I grew up a runner so I made sure to wear my best running shoes in this picture. A neighbor even nicknamed me, “road-runner” since I had a habit of going out for a run as early as age six. I’d be running away from home, running away from my fears, and today I still find myself running from anything that doesn’t make me feel good about myself. Now that I have found a place in my life for my physical practice of yoga and I am a certified yoga instructor, I have created a nice balance to the workouts I have always loved. This pose, and this picture show not only the things that I love but also the beauty of who I am.
I woke up this morning missing Granny so much. Maybe it is because of all the change that is happening in my life and I am just wishing that I could share it all with her. Sometimes when I have set aside a morning to write, or looking to set an intention, she stays heavy on my heart as I seek motivation through her. We had so many special summer afternoons alone together while Julie was away at kindergarten. She always told me I was going to be a writer, and she always told me that I was special. I was her baby Kadie. Sometimes I crave her, I crave the opportunity of a real goodbye and a proper thank you for everything she gave up to raise me. As I ran through Central Park this morning I found her in the Conservatory Garden. Her energy made me smile while I remembered a very similar sunny yet, Florida day in our own southern citrus garden. I begged her “to feed me like a birdie” in our side yard as she dipped fresh orange slices in my mouth. Relaxed and content, we laid sunning on a beach towel reading the stack of books we had lugged home from our mid morning library run. I felt her smiling from above as she cheered for me just as she did at all of my cross-country runs and track meets. “You can do it Kadie, I know you can,” she always said. I think I found what I was looking for- a little peace. I will forever and always be a grandma’s girl.
“She was fierce, she was strong, she wasn’t simple. She was crazy and sometimes she barely slept. She always had something to say. She had flaws and that was ok. And when she was down, she got right back up. She was a beast in her own way, but one idea described her best, she was unstoppable and she took anything she wanted with a smile.” R.M. Drake
If I could remake my own song to Taylor Swift’s “Shake it Off” I would change the word shake to run motivating others to, “Run it Off”. I have just completed a running challenge with coworkers who like myself have always had a love for and habit of running. The challenge was to complete 100 miles in the month of December and due to all four of us being retail managers in the midst of the busiest time of the year it involved quite of a bit of planning and dedication outside of the physical demands of the challenge. I’ve always been known to be a runner, and had the nickname in the neighborhood growing up as “Road Runner” after being spotted running around the neighborhood or sprinting up and down the street. Consecutive first-place medals in the girl’s mile run as well as being one of the quickest on both the track and cross country teams was the outcome of many afternoons I spent running as far away from home as I could get. When the yelling and the screaming became too overwhelming in a household full of conflict, I laced up my sneakers and hit the pavement. Currently nothing calms me more than a run through central park or along the east river…and to think that at age six I was just seeking the same escape. A lot of really great things happened this December; big success at work, my best friend moved to the city, a great friend of mine tied the knot, and really valuable time was spent with my family and friends. Yet, I was running far away from something very toxic and painful at the same time. I recorded my running journal through a mood and fitness journal, which is where I jotted down not only how many miles I ran that day but also how I was feeling. My very first run on Dec 4th stated that my mood was sad and I remember the heaviness that my heart was feeling. I was feeling used and fed up after being completely lied to by someone I had been spending a lot of time with for the past couple of months. I was ready to move on and could not wait to put behind this relationship that was truly putting me through an emotional and unhealthy roller coaster. I had in the past blamed my habit on crushing over the wrong guy by stating that I am struggling with “daddy issues”, and that I did not have the correct example set on how I should be treated. As much as that has affected my decisions in relationships in the past, this December I made the decision that I had finally had enough! I told myself outloud that I deserve better and I was ready to completely believe in that and run far away from anyone who does not deserve my love. On Dec 20th, I had logged 59 miles and the mood I recorded was that I was motivated and happy. That next morning I woke to a very vivid dream of the future love of my life and started the finale of my challenge with an overwhelming feeling of excitement and content. (Read https://dreamsmadenewyorkcity.com/2014/12/20/you/). I ran straight to my happy place this December and as I start my January challenge, twenty yoga classes, I can happily say that my heart finally feels free.
Happy New Year everyone, Keep running to your Happy!
Aspiration is greater than realization, because it keeps us eternally climbing upward toward some unattainned goal.
This quote from Napoleon Hill really resonated with me today because of how I have been feeling lately about my future. I have felt defeated and set back in my career path. I have been sidetracked on setting new goals that could chase after my ultimate career dreams. I am sure you are familiar with the action of wasting time by negatively clogging up your mind with too many thoughts of where you went wrong. The wise, successful, part of me wants to waste no more time trying to figure out the past. I have cleared my mind and I have set new intentions and plans toward my career goals. Time complaining about what cannot be changed in the past, and minutes feeling sorry for myself are not ways that will fulfill my ultimate goals of who I want to be in this life. Life is not a sprint my friends, it is a marathon so be patient and work up to the finish line and I am signed up and ready to run my next mile!
Happy Hump Day!