My Heaven Is You


“I met you in my dreams, your touch was so soft and your body was so warm. You held me so close that I knew no one could ever come between us. When I woke and you weren’t there I still found comfort that you were out there. I could not wait to meet you because I knew that I loved you.” – Kadie Chronister

From the moment I met you, I wanted to keep you, take care of you, kiss you. You were nervous but bursting with sexy confidence. You immediately became the sweetest thing I have ever set eyes on. I will never forget that second look I took at you, “damn he is cute”, I said to myself as you struggled to pull it together. With every word I scooted a little closer to you. My hand brushed down your arm as we talked about nothing that I can remember and united us as it fell seamlessly into yours. Butterflies took over my heart when you told me how I was making you feel and how infectious my smile was to you. I watched you look into my eyes and with every word I spoke you sank deeper and deeper into my soul. I did not know love felt like this until we had our first kiss. It took me twenty-nine years to meet you but just three hours to know that I could not live without you. When you left me that night I felt a familiar heavy void in my heart yet, this time it was still so full of love. As I struggle everyday with the pain of missing you I am at ease as I mediate in thoughts of our future. My heaven is you, and I thank my lucky stars everyday for the path that led me to you.


Dear Human (Me)


Dear Human: You’ve got it all wrong. You didn’t come here to master unconditional love. That is where you came from and where you’ll return. You came here to learn personal love. Universal love. Messy love. Sweaty love. Crazy love. Broken love. Whole love. Infused with divinity. Lived through the grace of stumbling. Demonstrated through the beauty of… messing up. Often. You didn’t come here to be perfect. You already are. You came here to be gorgeously human. Flawed and fabulous. And then to rise again into remembering. But unconditional love? Stop telling that story. Love, in truth, doesn’t need ANY other adjectives. It doesn’t require modifiers. It doesn’t require the condition of perfection. It only asks that you show up. And do your best. That you stay present and feel fully. That you shine and fly and laugh and cry and hurt and heal and fall and get back up and play and work and live and die as YOU. It’s enough. It’s Plenty. -Courtney Walsh

I heard Dear Human, by Courtney Walsh this morning from my yoga instructor at the beginning of my six am hot power class and it resonated quite a bit with me. Last week I became a proud, new member of Pure Yoga East who is searching for inspiration, peace, and strength to guide me through the next couple chapters of my life. This week I signed up for a mini yogi challenge that gets my butt on a mat each morning by 6 am. It is so difficult for me to get up early but I have never regretted going to yoga class. In my newest journey through life I have seen how much I can really use one hour of dedication to this human (me). I have an extremely annoying habit of snoozing my alarm each morning which starts my day running late but I have seen major improvements on this obnoxious habit in the last couple weeks. Yoga gave me that and I need to feed my intense cravings that both my mind and body share while motivating me to get to yoga class. I hope you all can find your happy place and force yourself to get there for some serious self love this week!

Happy Monday Everyone!

This Also, Shall Pass

I try to ensure that my posts are always motivating, uplifting, inspiring, and sometimes my goal is to even make you laugh a little. I am not sure where my head was at on my last post but after re- reading it I feel like I finally answered my own questions. I am currently studying the Laws of Success by Napolean Hill and its pressuring me to find my definite purpose in life so that I can finally hit the road to my own personal success. I had submitted an essay I wrote about my great-grandmother to Elle Magazine for two consecutive years now and have still not made it into the Personal Style issue like I had hoped. The reason I bring it up is because I know this is a goal of mine and that it would be a measure of success for my definite purpose in life. I currently was in a rut at work and had been questioning my goals and also frantically re- aligning my idea of success for myself. I think its normal to have weeks that you feel like giving up, and days that you question your dreams but, it’s the strong successful ones who learn from it. Ruts and failures should motivate you to work harder and force you to rearrange your focus but it should never get you down for long. Always remember everything in life will pass so don’t let life’s opportunity’s pass you by because of a little failure. This week in honor of my great-grandmother,I put on my most treasured heirloom she gave to me for strength, motivation, and guidance through a goal oriented and productive week.

I hope your Tuesday and your work week has been as fulfilling as mine.

Remember this post?


Self Reflect

When I was first starting my blog I had a vision of what the outcome of all of this would be. I not only thought I could motivate myself to write all the time but I also assumed that when I did write and post, I would then inspire millions of readers. I dreamt of publishers contacting me and magazine editors emailing me with ideas how we could collaborate and work together which in turn would give me the recognition my self made life deserved. Now, that it has been a year and a half, and I am in need of a little motivation for summer goals, I decided to start right here on Self Made. I am hopeful that this blog will serve the just the simple purpose of self inspiration and accountability. It would be great if I could inspire and motivate others at the same time but I think what I most need is a secure place where I can self reflect and pin point new action plans for my own development. Summer feels tough right now, and I think its going to continue to be a little tough to get through with all the attention to finances and work. I will need my blog and the support of my followers to self reflect and motivate myself to keep working towards the planned end result.

I am still transitioning to my new city and my new lifestyle here in Manhattan. It’s been difficult to keep up with how I want to live, how I was living in Florida, and the reality of how I can live here. My debt caught up to me, and I am really working towards a plan to erase it all so that I can move past this financial burden that lays heavy on me. I have written a plan for the next three months and the budget plan involved is extensive and does not allow for much altering. If I am going to continue to decrease debt and increase a savings blanket I will have to stay discipline to my plan on what is coming in and exactly what is going out. This savings blanket is important so that I never in my life get to the point where my money is this out of control.

Work is challenging, and inconsistent on how it makes me feel. I like being a store manager, and I believe that I want to continue being a store manager but in order to stay happy I need to reflect some direct stressors that are damaging to my well-being. The company is the same, but the people and the expectations are different. A typical day would be easily described chaotic and I am back and forth like a ping-pong ball. I am constantly worrying and following up on someone else and I never feel 100% about any situation. Bill Cosby once said, “I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody”, and I am trying to keep this at the front of my mind when I am dealing with my new corporate environment. It comes back to directing my team and remembering what it is that I want to be known for and what I have to do to get there. First and foremost I need to take days off, and enjoy my time to myself and not worry about the store when I should be worrying about me. I need to give feedback consistently to my team, and I need to be involved with all areas of the store.

I have to remember and remind myself daily that I am a good store manager and I can do this if I just buckle down and remember exactly what it is that I want to be known for.

I hope this helps everyone feel a bit more normal if you can relate to any of this financial or work drama. Headed to Pennsylvania this weekend to hang out with family and let Finley run around in the country!

Happy Almost Friday! xoxo


Thanks for Reading

On this Thanksgiving I wanted to specially write a thank you to the people who take the time to read my blog. In my life, usually because of work and uncommon family occurrences, I have always spent Thanksgiving with different families, different friends, and in different cities. This year was the first year I began blogging, and although it is challenging, it is also fulfilling. I can always share my stories wherever I am and about whoever I miss. What I have learned from this experience is that it’s not easy to push the publish button on my blog screen, and even harder to decide what writings of mine someone might be interested in reading. But, I do love that I am always able to reflect about the people I love, and then share that with others! I have listed different places I have spent thanksgiving with over the years just for me, and I hope that all of you reflect on your favorite past Thanksgiving memories too:)

So, thanks for reading and I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving with whoever you are celebrating with.


  • Jacksonville with Uncle Tom and Family
  • Fort Myers with Granny and my middle sister
  • Cape Coral/Fort Myers with Nikki Noodle (mean Vigne)
  • Pennsylvania where I begged for Tookie
  • Raleigh North Carolina with a best friend from highschool
  • Michigan with my Mommy and Kelly family
  • Fort Lauderdale with Kelly and Mamma Susin
  • Tampa with friends from college
  • Tallahassee with Paula and Family and Friends
  • Deerfield for the second year in a row with Matt’s family 🙂

My Most Excellent Ally

My Most Excellent Ally

Calling anyone your best friend is extremely ordinary, expected, and not the choice of words I will describe Kelly Susin as ever again. When thinking of a title for my ode to Kelly, I was desperate to find an appropriate definition of our friendship. Kelly and I met eleven years ago, and since then we have been each others travel companions, positive inspiration, and go-to for happiness, even when times are hard. Kelly has been my co-worker, my neighbor, my roommate, and now days (since across the country) my most reliable, comforting phone chat. Many friends come and go because of misunderstandings, or just lost of the want to understand each other and support each other. This is not true for Kelly and I because we have always been each others biggest fan, and I am happy to devote the time to write about Kelly, my most excellent ally.

I first met Kelly in Tallahassee my first year of college where we were both hostesses at a family owned greek restaurant where I continued to work for the next four years. Work is work but work with Kelly was fun. Work became our social scene where we would go to have fun, laugh, and pre game before our nights out. We were able to talk the bartender who worked there to put alcohol in styrofoam cups and we would sip on them behind the hostess stand. Was this right? No, but we were in college!

When I think of Kelly I think of bright colors and daisy’s (not because of the coffee mug “I borrowed” and refuse to give back that is just this) but because of the similar warm, happy, and fun feelings I get when I think about her. Kelly and I can go into any city, to any bar ,and make friends with everyone and anyone. We bring out the best in each other and when we introduce ourselves as Kadie and Kelly we are commonly not taken seriously because of our similar bebop attitude and blonde hair (when I have blonde hair). If it’s a drive down A1A listening to music with the windows down just to escape, or a Winn Dixie run to fill Kelly’s key lime pie ice cream fix, Kelly is a good time.

I did not grow up traveling when I was younger so my love for adventure began when I was older. Kelly was apart of the trips that defined my love for travel and need to get away. Our trips started with two-hour road trips from Tallahassee to Jacksonville to escape work and class and have evolved to cross-country car rides, and plans to globe trot around the world. Like most Americans, I have a special place in my heart for New York City and I had been lucky enough to visit the big apple twice with just Kelly before the city became home. A photo of our Fall trip to the city in 2009 is hung in my home today and signify’s a lazy afternoon sitting on a 29th floor balcony in Times Square talking about “the good life”. Growing up, my middle sister and I would visit my family during the summer and I have tried my best to keep up that tradition. One summer, Kelly took on the sister role and joined me to “the longest pencil in the world” and I was able to share with her my love for the beauty of the state and surround her with the fun of my family. My dearest memory of this trip was a cooler summer night in my sister and brother in laws garden where we ate great food, sipped on great wine, and were entertained by live guitar music with friends and family. A drive up the Pacific Coast highway from San Diego to San Fran, and attending a football game in Boston where waves of tropical storm bands hit during an upset between Boston College and Florida State were daring, ordinary, and memorable trips I shared with my favorite companion.

Like most relationships our bond wasnt strictly built on girl talk and giggles but tested because of hardships we had to overcome together. The first time I had my heart-broken and could not imagine life going on, or getting out of bed, Kelly was there by my side. We were there for each other through failed relationships, and failed friendships, and came out stronger together. I am not fond of the day that Momma Susin passed but I was proud to be a friend who stood by her side as she exemplified her strong, positive character during this hardship. Kelly is the greatest memory of Momma Susin and like her mother she always encourages me to be me.

I want to celebrate Kelly. She is not my best friend but my most excellent ally and I am fortunate to that.

Walker in 10

Today at work I was minding my own business while chatting with one of my regular customers when some grumpy, hat wearing lady came up to me and said,”you know what girl?”  I knew this wasn’t gonna be good so I definitely didn’t say anything smart in hopes she would just not be mean. Instead, I took the nice manager, never give attitude to angry ladies approach and said, “What’s that?”. She then proceeds to verbally attack my wedge booties and tell me that,” In ten years tops..TOPS”, I will be walking with a walker and need a cane . But, “don’t worry”, she preaches, “I wont be alone, “all the girls my  age will also be walking around soon with canes”. Dumbfounded, and hurt, I didnt say much and tried to calm. She continued to tell me about her pediatrist visit and how he told her how ignorant the women were being these days while selecting their shoes! Needless to say, she didn’t need a size she didn’t have a return, and she left with no purchases.WTF!