My Pride

IMG_1034-In Honor of the victims in Orlando

My pride lives in my heart for my best friends who I am so lucky to have in my life. The friends that this horrid event have me missing more this week than this little post could ever convey. The past couple of days I had moments where I actually felt guilty feeling as bad as I did. Guilty since I didn’t have any direct relations with the victims of the Orlando massacre. The truth is that I very much do. My happy place, and the most fun friends in the world are in the gay community. I can’t stop thinking about how this could of been us. These friends of mine are people who have become family, travel partners, roomates/neighbors, and a reason I have fulfilled so many of my wildest dreams. My heart hurts for the attack on the essence of who they are. When I lived in NYC, I had a girlfriend actually tell me that the reason I was single at the time, “was because I only hung out with the gays”. The happiest place on the planet for me, and some of the best memories of my life have been in their presence. I always feel the safest out running the streets in their community and have danced, laughed, and partied in pure bliss until the sun came up (numerous times). This massacre has really pissed me off, and it has brought me to a point for the first time where I am ready to fight for what I believe. Try to find a way to make a difference. I will be creating a movement with my new business, The Kadie Way LLC, where we make a stand against hate. Details to come! Choose, LOVE; not HATE

Kadie

Check out my photo video I made @: https://flipagram.com/f/qtpSub6tAt

 

Road Runner

Seal Point Bay

I grew up a runner so I made sure to wear my best running shoes in this picture. A neighbor even nicknamed me, “road-runner” since I had a habit of going out for a run as early as age six. I’d be running away from home, running away from my fears, and today I still find myself running from anything that doesn’t make me feel good about myself. Now that I have found a place in my life for my physical practice of yoga and I am a certified yoga instructor, I have created a nice balance to the workouts I have always loved. This pose, and this picture show not only the things that I love but also the beauty of who I am.

Believe in YOU

Believe in YOU

It doesn’t matter if someone else believes in you or not. It doesn’t matter if someone doesn’t like you, or if you don’t like someone else. It only matter’s that you believe in yourself. Believe that when you have negative emotions, or negative reactions to someone else’s negative, that there is a lesson to learn in that situation. Try to look inside and mirror that back to what the universe is trying to tell you. Why is it you feel this way? Why do you care what other’s think? Is this showing you something about yourself? Love yourself enough to honor this discovery and to explore the answers to your emotions. The only way you will grow is if you look inside. Not inside your neighbor’s walls but inside your own head. People will want to see you fail. Why would you care? How does that benefit you in the slightest to focus on that? Keep going. Keep failing. But get back up for yourself and learn from those mistakes. Learn how to grow and how to accept your own truth.

Believe in YOU

 

 

5 Way’s You Are Being Negative (and might not know it)

5 negative habits

 

Getting stuck in the past 

The past is that era in time that is now just a memory. I find that it is important to remember that the past is the past and to not worry about it too much. Sometimes I start to analyze things that I have done in the past, or events that have happened in the past and it can really start to get me down. It is helpful to be aware of what you have experienced, and recognize what you have achieved but don’t let the past get you down. Since I am writing a memoir of my life it puts my mind into the past when writing about one event to the next. If it is an unhappy memory, it can suck up my positive energy and make me stuck in that story way to long. Focus more on future story and where you are going. Just use the past as a reference on how far you have already come to reaching your goals and what you have overcome. Do not look back too much; you are not going that way.

Over-Eating/Over-Drinking

I think after reading this you can see that this is kind of a no-brainer. Anytime you find yourself indulging a little too deeply during a meal or at the bar you usually find discomfort later. Yet, we all do it a little too often. When I remind myself how negative these actions are it helps me pick healthier options for my body. I have also observed after my first couple of weeks in my new city, and living my new routines, that when I start a day with NO hangover and a healthy balanced eating, I am a lot more productive/positive throughout the day. Easy right? Duh.

Spending too much time on social media

 Yes, even I, the social media crazed girl, have realized that when I spend too much time clicking around observing and re-sharing it can have negative effects on me. I think my latest upset was poking around on an old friend from high school’s page and than getting upset that we weren’t friends anymore. I have tried to amend our differences a couple of times but failed and we are basically strangers outside our newsfeeds. Clicking around her pictures a little too long could be considered stalking and it is NEGATIVE. Sure, judge me, but I am pretty sure we all do it in some way or another at times.

Not giving yourself enough credit

It is so common to make a to-do list and a list of goals for you but try making a “have-completed list”, and “goal attempting” lists. What I have learned is that this helps keep the first lists positive is by acknowledging the “baby steps” and keeping top of mind what you have accomplished to keep you motivated. I started this habit first in a “Request Column” I kept in the back of my diary when I was young. I would make “requests” that were basically just goals, and I would circle back and to fill what happened regardless if it was the “completion” of the original request. It keeps you in that positive mindset by reminding you to celebrate every win-no matter the size.

Doing to much

 Coming from someone who loved living in the rat race of New York City so much she named her blog after it; I have realized that sometimes having too many things to do is negative. I like to consider myself a “go-getter”, and a “goal –crusher “and prided myself on my ability to “do more”. Then, the stress started to build up in my mind and in my physical body as I juggled the pressure of “doing it all”. I started to struggle with anxiety, had crazy neck pain that was not going away, and started drinking too much. Everything that I was doing was actually having a negative effect on me as I did it all. Restorative yoga, naps, and small baby step goals are usually a lot more positive when you are creating balance on your weekly calendar.

Almost Thirty

Almost Thirty

From a very young age I have always been a writer; I just haven’t always been writing. I made a goal to myself a couple of years ago to have my first book published by age 30. unfortunately, in a couple of weeks I am going to be thirty, and I am not ready to publish my book yet. What I did well as a young writer was freely write exactly and whatever was in my thoughts or top of my mind. I did not worry about what others might think if they picked it up and read it and everything I wrote down was raw, unedited, and straight from my heart. My elementary diary entries give me a variety of different emotions that I truly hope I can accomplish in my current early thirties writings. Some pages are full of stories and statements that make me laugh out loud, and other pages and entries quickly bring me to tears.

There were sections of story telling were I told my readers about the 4th grade dance and what boy I was crushing on that moment, there was a goals section where not only did I write out my “request” but I came back around and logged my results. One of my personal favorites was my “update section” which was ultimately my very own gossip column where I updated the relationships in my life as well as other relationships that were going on with my classmates. There was a prayer section, (which is often the section that can make me cry) where I would ask God to listen and grant my prayers. I asked to please make Granny well when she was sick, I asked God why Granny did not like me anymore, and I asked him what would happen to me when Granny died.

The flow was not exactly right when connecting one thought, or story to the next but it doesn’t seem to stop anyone I share it with from wanting to read more about what I was up to. Clearly there was no plan as to what I was going to do with all of these writings but I didn’t care about that. I just freely sat in my room and wrote about what I was going through, how I was feeling, and how everything going on in my life was affecting me. These diaries have been a great gift to myself as I jog my memory of past events in my life to continue my story but most of all they are a reminder to not worry so much about what comes out and to just write.

Making the decision to finally move to the big apple the winter after I turned 27 was a goal of mine that was not only going to bring me career success, love and happiness but I believed the move would help me get further along in my writing. If I were to come back around and currently “update” where I am now it would be that I have come a long way and have a lot of inspiration to write about.

When I first started NYC I could not touch my toes, I was in a lot of financial debt, I was heartbroken, and I was scared shitless. Although, I moved to Manhattan with a job, I did not move to the Big Apple with a big savings account or a clear financial plan. I kid you not: The 12-foot box truck that drove all my furniture and belongings from South Florida to Manhattan, the gas for my car to follow, the renter fees, apartment fees, lease-breaking fees, food and any miscellaneous moving supplies were all paid out of a $1,500 budget I had at my disposal. I’d be lying if I said my Nan didn’t stick a few bills in my pocket, and that my wonderful friends and family did not help me over this hump. I was showered with gifts, gift cards, and so many blessings and words of encouragement, but it still remains one of the top most anxious, and scariest times in my life. I questioned myself daily on my decision to move when I was experiencing such financial burden and so many weeks I had to stretch thirty dollars to feed me and transport me through one of the most expensive cities in the world. I truly believe it was only possible for me to do because of the experience and learning’s of my meager youth. Tuna fish, carrots, tomatoes, bananas, and mac & cheese, were my go-to budget food items, and with any leftover money I would buy myself a bottle of wine to keep me company as I wrote in my journal thoughts and goals to get out of this mess.

My first apartment at the Ritz was located in midtown and was SO BEAUTIFUL! I was lucky enough to get this “hook up” from one of my college best friends who previously lived in this apartment and was smart enough to hold onto it (and its rate) by sublet like myself. From my bedroom you could walk out onto a balcony twenty-nine floors high that overlooked Times Square to the left and Hell’s Kitchen to the right. The one side of my room was pure window, and I had beautiful wood floors where I propped my Gaiam yoga mat in the corner next to a standing mirror. This yoga mat placement, although I was still not a yoga practitioner, was placed with intent for the sanctuary I was trying to create in this stressful, fearful time. I will never, EVER forget the beauty of the city lights from my room and how I could sit out on the balcony and, if only for a second, remember to be proud of myself. I started to have visions of doing yoga gracefully on my Gaiam mat outside my large glass windows, and these visions started to become reality when I took out my mat one afternoon and turned on my yoga DVD. What was different this time around is that, after the first week, I didn’t stop. In my free time, I started Googling and searching YouTube for different yoga tutorials that I hoped to practice on my own.

After the first three months, I started to get a little more financial security as well as more knowledge of ways to spread my money more evenly and even save money. The first thing I did when I had a couple extra dollars a month was research and purchase a gym membership that fit my budget. With all of my fitness classes, I always wanted parts to be like ballet or hip-hop, and then I started to mix in yoga classes. No matter how hard it was to convince myself to go to class and be the “beginner” that I was embarrassed to be, I cannot recall one time that I did not feel an amazing sense of anxiety relief. I am always very thankful that I made it to my classes, and I always remind myself how thankful I am each and every time I practice because it has NOT been easy to get to this point of my yoga career. The goal I set in August 2013 was to at least make it to one yoga class each week, and that goal has evolved into a habit of searching for a yoga class to attend almost every single day. Spring of 2014 I was feeling pretty darn good, but not exactly where I wanted to be and the universe must of known that. In a blink of an eye the universe switched the ocean tide and forced me to seek a new way out when I was fired from my fancy high paying Manhattan job. Worried about my rent, scared this meant I would have to stay in the relationship I wasn’t happy in to survive, and that I had failed were more reasons I needed more yoga. With the extra time on my hands I have given myself my first and well-deserved yoga challenge and incorporated daily practices with my freed up time.

Two weeks before turning thirty, I can touch my toes, I have finally achieved control of my finances, and writing is apart of my weekly routine. I have signed up for my yoga certification, and my yoga practice affects my everyday thoughts. It is how I am choosing to live my life. It is a way a perfect stranger can relate to me, and unlike when I was younger, I am fully aware that it is the best way for me to deal with any inner bullshit that is begging to come out. Every day in class, I learn something new about my body and about the different ways I can get myself into different positions. It frees my mind in such healthy ways, and keeps me from more of the drugs or booze I might have looked at to ease my mind in the past. It releases the hurt, the uncertainties, and gives me so much hope like nothing else in my life has been able to. Anytime anyone is going through anything difficult in life, I often think to myself, “they need yoga”. Inhale good shit, exhale bad shit. Yoga has helped my decisions in my career, my writing, my relationships, and most importantly my health and self-esteem.

Just get on your mat- Namaste!

Happy Birthday Granny!

Granny

My great grandmother, my guardian angel, the brave woman who took on raising my middle sister and I in her retirement years would of been ninety three today. I found this diary entry of mine from June 10th, 1995 where I was ten and I wrote about my grandmother on her bday. Today, I am almost 30 and I am still finding inspiration to write about her. I owe her for every ounce of who I am today and I am forever grateful. Happy Birthday Granny!

My Heaven Is You

Geoffrey

“I met you in my dreams, your touch was so soft and your body was so warm. You held me so close that I knew no one could ever come between us. When I woke and you weren’t there I still found comfort that you were out there. I could not wait to meet you because I knew that I loved you.” – Kadie Chronister

From the moment I met you, I wanted to keep you, take care of you, kiss you. You were nervous but bursting with sexy confidence. You immediately became the sweetest thing I have ever set eyes on. I will never forget that second look I took at you, “damn he is cute”, I said to myself as you struggled to pull it together. With every word I scooted a little closer to you. My hand brushed down your arm as we talked about nothing that I can remember and united us as it fell seamlessly into yours. Butterflies took over my heart when you told me how I was making you feel and how infectious my smile was to you. I watched you look into my eyes and with every word I spoke you sank deeper and deeper into my soul. I did not know love felt like this until we had our first kiss. It took me twenty-nine years to meet you but just three hours to know that I could not live without you. When you left me that night I felt a familiar heavy void in my heart yet, this time it was still so full of love. As I struggle everyday with the pain of missing you I am at ease as I mediate in thoughts of our future. My heaven is you, and I thank my lucky stars everyday for the path that led me to you.