I grew up a runner so I made sure to wear my best running shoes in this picture. A neighbor even nicknamed me, “road-runner” since I had a habit of going out for a run as early as age six. I’d be running away from home, running away from my fears, and today I still find myself running from anything that doesn’t make me feel good about myself. Now that I have found a place in my life for my physical practice of yoga and I am a certified yoga instructor, I have created a nice balance to the workouts I have always loved. This pose, and this picture show not only the things that I love but also the beauty of who I am.
From a very young age I have always been a writer; I just haven’t always been writing. I made a goal to myself a couple of years ago to have my first book published by age 30. unfortunately, in a couple of weeks I am going to be thirty, and I am not ready to publish my book yet. What I did well as a young writer was freely write exactly and whatever was in my thoughts or top of my mind. I did not worry about what others might think if they picked it up and read it and everything I wrote down was raw, unedited, and straight from my heart. My elementary diary entries give me a variety of different emotions that I truly hope I can accomplish in my current early thirties writings. Some pages are full of stories and statements that make me laugh out loud, and other pages and entries quickly bring me to tears.
There were sections of story telling were I told my readers about the 4th grade dance and what boy I was crushing on that moment, there was a goals section where not only did I write out my “request” but I came back around and logged my results. One of my personal favorites was my “update section” which was ultimately my very own gossip column where I updated the relationships in my life as well as other relationships that were going on with my classmates. There was a prayer section, (which is often the section that can make me cry) where I would ask God to listen and grant my prayers. I asked to please make Granny well when she was sick, I asked God why Granny did not like me anymore, and I asked him what would happen to me when Granny died.
The flow was not exactly right when connecting one thought, or story to the next but it doesn’t seem to stop anyone I share it with from wanting to read more about what I was up to. Clearly there was no plan as to what I was going to do with all of these writings but I didn’t care about that. I just freely sat in my room and wrote about what I was going through, how I was feeling, and how everything going on in my life was affecting me. These diaries have been a great gift to myself as I jog my memory of past events in my life to continue my story but most of all they are a reminder to not worry so much about what comes out and to just write.
Making the decision to finally move to the big apple the winter after I turned 27 was a goal of mine that was not only going to bring me career success, love and happiness but I believed the move would help me get further along in my writing. If I were to come back around and currently “update” where I am now it would be that I have come a long way and have a lot of inspiration to write about.
When I first started NYC I could not touch my toes, I was in a lot of financial debt, I was heartbroken, and I was scared shitless. Although, I moved to Manhattan with a job, I did not move to the Big Apple with a big savings account or a clear financial plan. I kid you not: The 12-foot box truck that drove all my furniture and belongings from South Florida to Manhattan, the gas for my car to follow, the renter fees, apartment fees, lease-breaking fees, food and any miscellaneous moving supplies were all paid out of a $1,500 budget I had at my disposal. I’d be lying if I said my Nan didn’t stick a few bills in my pocket, and that my wonderful friends and family did not help me over this hump. I was showered with gifts, gift cards, and so many blessings and words of encouragement, but it still remains one of the top most anxious, and scariest times in my life. I questioned myself daily on my decision to move when I was experiencing such financial burden and so many weeks I had to stretch thirty dollars to feed me and transport me through one of the most expensive cities in the world. I truly believe it was only possible for me to do because of the experience and learning’s of my meager youth. Tuna fish, carrots, tomatoes, bananas, and mac & cheese, were my go-to budget food items, and with any leftover money I would buy myself a bottle of wine to keep me company as I wrote in my journal thoughts and goals to get out of this mess.
My first apartment at the Ritz was located in midtown and was SO BEAUTIFUL! I was lucky enough to get this “hook up” from one of my college best friends who previously lived in this apartment and was smart enough to hold onto it (and its rate) by sublet like myself. From my bedroom you could walk out onto a balcony twenty-nine floors high that overlooked Times Square to the left and Hell’s Kitchen to the right. The one side of my room was pure window, and I had beautiful wood floors where I propped my Gaiam yoga mat in the corner next to a standing mirror. This yoga mat placement, although I was still not a yoga practitioner, was placed with intent for the sanctuary I was trying to create in this stressful, fearful time. I will never, EVER forget the beauty of the city lights from my room and how I could sit out on the balcony and, if only for a second, remember to be proud of myself. I started to have visions of doing yoga gracefully on my Gaiam mat outside my large glass windows, and these visions started to become reality when I took out my mat one afternoon and turned on my yoga DVD. What was different this time around is that, after the first week, I didn’t stop. In my free time, I started Googling and searching YouTube for different yoga tutorials that I hoped to practice on my own.
After the first three months, I started to get a little more financial security as well as more knowledge of ways to spread my money more evenly and even save money. The first thing I did when I had a couple extra dollars a month was research and purchase a gym membership that fit my budget. With all of my fitness classes, I always wanted parts to be like ballet or hip-hop, and then I started to mix in yoga classes. No matter how hard it was to convince myself to go to class and be the “beginner” that I was embarrassed to be, I cannot recall one time that I did not feel an amazing sense of anxiety relief. I am always very thankful that I made it to my classes, and I always remind myself how thankful I am each and every time I practice because it has NOT been easy to get to this point of my yoga career. The goal I set in August 2013 was to at least make it to one yoga class each week, and that goal has evolved into a habit of searching for a yoga class to attend almost every single day. Spring of 2014 I was feeling pretty darn good, but not exactly where I wanted to be and the universe must of known that. In a blink of an eye the universe switched the ocean tide and forced me to seek a new way out when I was fired from my fancy high paying Manhattan job. Worried about my rent, scared this meant I would have to stay in the relationship I wasn’t happy in to survive, and that I had failed were more reasons I needed more yoga. With the extra time on my hands I have given myself my first and well-deserved yoga challenge and incorporated daily practices with my freed up time.
Two weeks before turning thirty, I can touch my toes, I have finally achieved control of my finances, and writing is apart of my weekly routine. I have signed up for my yoga certification, and my yoga practice affects my everyday thoughts. It is how I am choosing to live my life. It is a way a perfect stranger can relate to me, and unlike when I was younger, I am fully aware that it is the best way for me to deal with any inner bullshit that is begging to come out. Every day in class, I learn something new about my body and about the different ways I can get myself into different positions. It frees my mind in such healthy ways, and keeps me from more of the drugs or booze I might have looked at to ease my mind in the past. It releases the hurt, the uncertainties, and gives me so much hope like nothing else in my life has been able to. Anytime anyone is going through anything difficult in life, I often think to myself, “they need yoga”. Inhale good shit, exhale bad shit. Yoga has helped my decisions in my career, my writing, my relationships, and most importantly my health and self-esteem.
Just get on your mat- Namaste!
My great grandmother, my guardian angel, the brave woman who took on raising my middle sister and I in her retirement years would of been ninety three today. I found this diary entry of mine from June 10th, 1995 where I was ten and I wrote about my grandmother on her bday. Today, I am almost 30 and I am still finding inspiration to write about her. I owe her for every ounce of who I am today and I am forever grateful. Happy Birthday Granny!
“I met you in my dreams, your touch was so soft and your body was so warm. You held me so close that I knew no one could ever come between us. When I woke and you weren’t there I still found comfort that you were out there. I could not wait to meet you because I knew that I loved you.” – Kadie Chronister
From the moment I met you, I wanted to keep you, take care of you, kiss you. You were nervous but bursting with sexy confidence. You immediately became the sweetest thing I have ever set eyes on. I will never forget that second look I took at you, “damn he is cute”, I said to myself as you struggled to pull it together. With every word I scooted a little closer to you. My hand brushed down your arm as we talked about nothing that I can remember and united us as it fell seamlessly into yours. Butterflies took over my heart when you told me how I was making you feel and how infectious my smile was to you. I watched you look into my eyes and with every word I spoke you sank deeper and deeper into my soul. I did not know love felt like this until we had our first kiss. It took me twenty-nine years to meet you but just three hours to know that I could not live without you. When you left me that night I felt a familiar heavy void in my heart yet, this time it was still so full of love. As I struggle everyday with the pain of missing you I am at ease as I mediate in thoughts of our future. My heaven is you, and I thank my lucky stars everyday for the path that led me to you.
“Winning is great, sure, but if you are really going to do something in life, the secret is learning how to lose. Nobody goes undefeated all the time. If you can pick up after a crushing defeat, and go on to win again, you are going to be a champion someday.”
Failure is that thing that no one likes but something that everyone needs in order to be his or her best self. Writing to others about what I didn’t accomplish is going to be just as important to me as telling them about what I did accomplish. To motivate you, to inspire you, and to get you to trust me I will be breaking down my walls and being as real with you about every one of my defeats. For me, evaluating what I did wrong, as well as analyzing the not-so-positive things that I might be going through has become just as important to me as celebrating my successes. I have become obsessed with really understanding and learning from the failures I have overcome so that the go-getter in me can rejuvenate and quickly bounce back from any UNcontrollable threat or human error.
January was a difficult month for me when it came to accomplishing my work and fitness goals. With Mercury in the retrograde (http://darkstarastrology.com/mercury-retrograde/) you can imagine how difficult it was to manage clients, employees and myself while also trying to end my company’s fiscal year positively. I signed onto a fitness challenge that wasn’t completed due to different obstacles that got in my way. Flu B made me the bed lady for four days, and being sidetracked as I traveled to see my new lover boy in Florida kept my head out of the game. When you are a leader, you have to continue to be the example and lead by example as you continue to be their rock and inspiration. That little voice that always gives motivation while also re-directing with feedback and goals is extremely important to keeping your team on track. As I was crumbling inside with feelings of doubt and fighting back negativity, my team was unintentionally following my lead.
Making super-stretch sales goals along with a “25 Yoga Class Challenge in 31 days” had me crunching numbers and frantically signing up for yoga classes in my already jam-packed schedule. I was so worried about what other people would think about me and about my team if we missed our goal that it was actually demotivating me.I was obsessing over how I would explain myself if we did not make our year and both challenges became surrounded by negativity and doubt. When it came to the challenge, the check-ins on social media to the yoga gym, or the simple question “how many classes do you have left?” from the other yogi’s on the challenge weighed heavy on my mind. I would compare the amount of time they had to complete their challenge to my time and also give excuses as to why I was pressing the snooze button instead of getting into the 6AM hot flow.
The failure was real and missing our fiscal year by a day of business and my challenge by a couple of classes hurt my ego for sure but it also fired me back up. The exciting part about failing on my goals in January is that it opened my eyes to the way I was acting and re-focused my attention on the possibilities of the future. “Fail fast”, someone told me once…and ensure that what you learn from it makes you a better person. Heading into February, I made goals to keep my composure for my team and to continue to be the example in all situations regardless of how I might be feeling. To continue to stay positive (retrograde ended on the 11th of this month) even when downing Dayquil for breakfast, and to only compare my success to a better me.
Happy Valentines Day and Happy February everyone!
“She was fierce, she was strong, she wasn’t simple. She was crazy and sometimes she barely slept. She always had something to say. She had flaws and that was ok. And when she was down, she got right back up. She was a beast in her own way, but one idea described her best, she was unstoppable and she took anything she wanted with a smile.” R.M. Drake
If I could remake my own song to Taylor Swift’s “Shake it Off” I would change the word shake to run motivating others to, “Run it Off”. I have just completed a running challenge with coworkers who like myself have always had a love for and habit of running. The challenge was to complete 100 miles in the month of December and due to all four of us being retail managers in the midst of the busiest time of the year it involved quite of a bit of planning and dedication outside of the physical demands of the challenge. I’ve always been known to be a runner, and had the nickname in the neighborhood growing up as “Road Runner” after being spotted running around the neighborhood or sprinting up and down the street. Consecutive first-place medals in the girl’s mile run as well as being one of the quickest on both the track and cross country teams was the outcome of many afternoons I spent running as far away from home as I could get. When the yelling and the screaming became too overwhelming in a household full of conflict, I laced up my sneakers and hit the pavement. Currently nothing calms me more than a run through central park or along the east river…and to think that at age six I was just seeking the same escape. A lot of really great things happened this December; big success at work, my best friend moved to the city, a great friend of mine tied the knot, and really valuable time was spent with my family and friends. Yet, I was running far away from something very toxic and painful at the same time. I recorded my running journal through a mood and fitness journal, which is where I jotted down not only how many miles I ran that day but also how I was feeling. My very first run on Dec 4th stated that my mood was sad and I remember the heaviness that my heart was feeling. I was feeling used and fed up after being completely lied to by someone I had been spending a lot of time with for the past couple of months. I was ready to move on and could not wait to put behind this relationship that was truly putting me through an emotional and unhealthy roller coaster. I had in the past blamed my habit on crushing over the wrong guy by stating that I am struggling with “daddy issues”, and that I did not have the correct example set on how I should be treated. As much as that has affected my decisions in relationships in the past, this December I made the decision that I had finally had enough! I told myself outloud that I deserve better and I was ready to completely believe in that and run far away from anyone who does not deserve my love. On Dec 20th, I had logged 59 miles and the mood I recorded was that I was motivated and happy. That next morning I woke to a very vivid dream of the future love of my life and started the finale of my challenge with an overwhelming feeling of excitement and content. (Read https://dreamsmadenewyorkcity.com/2014/12/20/you/). I ran straight to my happy place this December and as I start my January challenge, twenty yoga classes, I can happily say that my heart finally feels free.
Happy New Year everyone, Keep running to your Happy!
Write. No seriously, stop fucking around Kadie.
Yoga! ? Hello.
Bake, and cook for your friends, you got the know.
Travel more! And stop canceling it for more money to not travel.
Be a better friend. Do things for them that show them how you feel.
Stay present in good company. Snap chat later
Grow others, inspire and motivate good things from people
Be a rock for the family. Someone they can count on.
Give lots of love.
Stay true to yourself.