My Pride

IMG_1034-In Honor of the victims in Orlando

My pride lives in my heart for my best friends who I am so lucky to have in my life. The friends that this horrid event have me missing more this week than this little post could ever convey. The past couple of days I had moments where I actually felt guilty feeling as bad as I did. Guilty since I didn’t have any direct relations with the victims of the Orlando massacre. The truth is that I very much do. My happy place, and the most fun friends in the world are in the gay community. I can’t stop thinking about how this could of been us. These friends of mine are people who have become family, travel partners, roomates/neighbors, and a reason I have fulfilled so many of my wildest dreams. My heart hurts for the attack on the essence of who they are. When I lived in NYC, I had a girlfriend actually tell me that the reason I was single at the time, “was because I only hung out with the gays”. The happiest place on the planet for me, and some of the best memories of my life have been in their presence. I always feel the safest out running the streets in their community and have danced, laughed, and partied in pure bliss until the sun came up (numerous times). This massacre has really pissed me off, and it has brought me to a point for the first time where I am ready to fight for what I believe. Try to find a way to make a difference. I will be creating a movement with my new business, The Kadie Way LLC, where we make a stand against hate. Details to come! Choose, LOVE; not HATE

Kadie

Check out my photo video I made @: https://flipagram.com/f/qtpSub6tAt

 

Road Runner

Seal Point Bay

I grew up a runner so I made sure to wear my best running shoes in this picture. A neighbor even nicknamed me, “road-runner” since I had a habit of going out for a run as early as age six. I’d be running away from home, running away from my fears, and today I still find myself running from anything that doesn’t make me feel good about myself. Now that I have found a place in my life for my physical practice of yoga and I am a certified yoga instructor, I have created a nice balance to the workouts I have always loved. This pose, and this picture show not only the things that I love but also the beauty of who I am.

Believe in YOU

Believe in YOU

It doesn’t matter if someone else believes in you or not. It doesn’t matter if someone doesn’t like you, or if you don’t like someone else. It only matter’s that you believe in yourself. Believe that when you have negative emotions, or negative reactions to someone else’s negative, that there is a lesson to learn in that situation. Try to look inside and mirror that back to what the universe is trying to tell you. Why is it you feel this way? Why do you care what other’s think? Is this showing you something about yourself? Love yourself enough to honor this discovery and to explore the answers to your emotions. The only way you will grow is if you look inside. Not inside your neighbor’s walls but inside your own head. People will want to see you fail. Why would you care? How does that benefit you in the slightest to focus on that? Keep going. Keep failing. But get back up for yourself and learn from those mistakes. Learn how to grow and how to accept your own truth.

Believe in YOU

 

 

Suhka Vs Duhka

Suhka vs Duhka

The Risky Balance of Dukha and Sukha

“Pain is your friend. It is your ally. It lets you know when you are seriously hurt. It keeps you awake. It keeps you angry. It reminds you to finish what you started, and get the hell home. But you know what the best part about pain is? It lets you know your not dead yet!”-Command Master Chief, GI Jane

There are times of grief, discomfort, and pain in life, and there are times of joy, tranquility, and ease. In yogi terms, Dukha stands for the pain and the suffering you experience and Sukha stands for the release of it. You find both of these in life situations, in your body’s pathways, and in your yoga practice. You need both of them to experience the other and in order to move through duhka you will need fire, or tapas. Practicing tapas is that ability to get back into the fire and continue to strive after your goals even when the going gets tough. I have learned, (finally) that no matter how much it might look like someone in your life has zero dukha, they do. Everyone is hurting in one-way or another but not everyone is actively practicing sukha to minimize his or her troubles. Not only that but people in your life can get mad at you when they see you balancing the risky business of dukha and sukha because it isn’t an easy thing to do. Not everyone has the guts to do so and jealousy can fire them to cause you more pain, or duhka. So, just do you and stop comparing yourself to other’s! I am so over worrying about where other people are at in their life because everyone is different!

Have you ever-experienced pain but the outcome was relief?

Has anyone close to you ever treated you poorly when you felt really great about an accomplishment?

 

Green Love Spell

 

Green Love Spell

What I am trying to do for Geoffrey is improve his day-to-day health so that he can play a better golf game and most importantly, be living his life healthier. Day 6 of the New Year and we both feel really good about the small changes we have been able to make. We have a list of goals for ourselves and although I could sit here and tell you all the ones we have not mastered yet -we are trying to focus on the positive. There is so much work left to do and focusing on what is working is the positive mindset we are trying to keep so we do not get discouraged.

The first step to his overall health is getting him to quit smoking. We have ordered a vaporizer, which should be at the house today, and although that is not quitting, it is part of the journey of quitting. We were told while we were in Costa Rica that it is one of the most effective ways in someone’s steps to quitting. He has tried the patch and he hates the gum. He started to use the E-cigarette and it smelled a whole lot better to me but he didn’t like the taste. Overall the vaporizer seems to have better results on cutting someone down on the nicotine intake and Costa Rica isn’t the first time I have been told this once I started to think about it. This first step is very important to me and I know it is one of the most difficult for him. During the past thirty-day’s of my own fitness journey this habit of Geoffrey’s has been brought to my mind and causing me a lot of fear around what this habit is doing to his amazing body. It is going to be a big accomplishment to him when he quits but it will really mean a lot to me while putting my mind at ease.

The second step is to help him change his diet while improving mine, as I become the consistent example and the “good influence”. He is the type of person who can eat a whole lot of crap and not gain too much weight BUT I know how much this crap is affecting his energy level. The way he buys food is also inefficient by spending too much money and time when he is running to and from his favorite coffee shop, Dunkin Donuts. Without even thinking about it too much while he sits and does his morning cross word puzzle he could be shoving a whole lot of bagels in his mouth. I want to be up and have the right breakfast ready for him so he makes better choices when he is so hungry in the morning.

He is a picky eater and not only does some vegetables and fruit disgust him, but he seems to even be scared of them. He won’t even let my banana ride in the front seat with him if I happen to have one on me for a snack. To be able to make things he would actually eat I sat with him and made a list of fruits and vegetables he would actually sit next too. Once I got the list, I was able to start thinking about different ideas for him, and create a meal plan through that list. I want his diet to become mostly vegan/vegetarian while treating him to meat every once in awhile through fish or chicken at dinner. My idea is to start mixing the meat with tempeh, tofu, and seitan to cut down the amount of intake without him realizing it. I think when I do that enough times he will become more use to the taste and it will not be so shocking to him.

What has worked so far is our green juice that we have loved for the past five mornings. I have created a juice that he loves and while we take out the dog and set our coffees to brew in the morning I put together our special “Geoffrey approved” concoction. I have named it the “GreenLoveSpell” and it has a nice little kick to it that I have enjoyed sipping on first thing in the am. The other meals that I have made and he has loved are my vegan pesto pasta, and the vegetable/bean/ and chicken tacos that were loaded with a variety of good ingredients. I have shared our juice below!

Green Love Spell

1 green apple

1 lime

1 sliver of ginger (about 2 teaspoons)

1 cup of Kale

2 cups coconut water

 

If I could always be taking care of Geoffrey, and if I always had the time to cook for him I am sure we would be able to accelerate his status as a professional golfer. I hope to continue to be inspired by helping Geoffrey and using more of this hobby of cooking that I sort of lost touch with to make him feel healthier throughout the day. I know that Geoffrey has been impressed with my skills that I learned while working in restaurants and working as a caterer in college, and it feels really great watching him eat in a more balanced way. I am looking for inspiration for tonight’s dish if anyone has any suggestions! I would like to use onion, quinoa, and mushrooms to use up some of the leftover ingredients from the past two nights.

Friday at Hu Kitchen

Hu Kitchen

Friday at Hu Kitchen

When I give myself the time to mentally assess the fact that I am no longer a resident of New York City (after almost three years of living the dream) it makes me a little sad. I run through the usual thoughts in my head:

-“I haven’t even accomplished everything I wanted to accomplish!”
-“There are so many things I’ve never even got to check of my bucket list!”
-“I didn’t even get nearly enough time with my friends and family that I moved here to be closer too!”
-“Damnit, does this mean I have to change my domain name to my blog dreamsmadenyc.com?”

These same common thoughts crossed my head this morning after waking up with regret of how late in the morning it was when I was finally getting out of bed from my girlfriends lower east side apartment. I crashed at her place after wine night since I moved out of my Upper East Side apartment at the end of September. For the rest of October and November I will be commuting into my old neighborhood where I still run a store but unfortunately I no longer have my own place in the city. Friends have let me stay at their apartments to make it easy on me the nights I work late, or days where there are only eight hours between my shifts. The decision to commute into the city from my fiancé’s hometown in New Jersey for my last two months working in the city was made to save money as we prepare to alter our way of living. I will be in Costa Rica for most of the month of December for my 200-hour, yoga teacher training and then we will be moving to California to start our life together. A year round warm weather community is where we need to live so that my best friend, my fiancé, will be able to pursue his career as a professional golfer year round. At the beginning of 2016, we will spend our one-year anniversary driving our belongings’ and dog cross-country to the west side. So, as annoying as the commute and transit has been, I know it will all be worth it when I remember the goals we are crushing and accomplishing by this current plan.

Strolling down St. Marks Place with a latte in hand that I picked up from a coffee shop lined with several professional hipsters typing on their mac pros, I over heard a father-son tourist duo walking ahead of me. Map in hand, and in a very as a matter of fact tone, I hear the father recap the outline of plans he had for them as see the city that day. “We will start at this breakfast place in Union Square, then we will head to, short pause as he looks down at his map, Midtown! Then, we will hit up Time Square, Rockefeller, and after that we will go to the record store on Bleeker. I mean we don’t have to be at the show until 8 tonight!” Hearing this made me smile while it brought me to memories of similar visits before I was a resident with my mother and sister. Like them, we also had jammed packed days, and plans to see it all in 24 hours. Continuing on behind them, I also headed to one of my favorite NYC eateries in Union Square. I was inspired to make my own plan for the day so that I could at least cross off a few things that I felt like I needed to get done on my writing goals. I choose to sit in a favorite corner of mine at Hu Kitchen, which is a high quality restaurant and market that holds a vision to provide a destination where you can eat and live deliciously. I first heard of Hu Kitchen about two years ago when I was invited to meet, Arielle Haspel of Be Well with Arielle, to discuss new ideas of a career path in a time where I felt very stuck. I did similar soul-searching after she took the time to meet with me regarding my passions and idea’s I had about fashion, yoga, and writing. For an hour, I spoke about my hobbies and my life experience and it helped me realign my direction of my original plans for myself when I first moved to New York City.

I wrote down what goals I had so I could review what I had accomplished in the past three years in New York. I felt the need to realign them and see where I stood for my last month with easy access to the city I love. I wanted to find love (check), I wanted to write more (check), I wanted to be challenged (double-check), and I wanted to become a yogi (check). As my time in my “dream city” runs out I was convinced I also had to change my domain name to the blog that will continue to house my life stories and plans. I thought to myself, “I can’t live in California and host a blog with New York City in it, can I?” As I was handed my fresh steamed bowl of quinoa topped with vegetarian chili and fresh basil, I was asked if I was vegan. Since being vegan is my next “Me goal” for this last month before I go into extensive training, I smiled up at him and said, “I’m trying to be.” I knew I had my answer to what my new domain name should be after convincing myself I needed to change. I was Born in PA, raised by my great- grandmother in Southern Florida, moved to New York City to find my dreams, and followed the love of my life to California. It makes no sense to change the name when this blog has gotten me through all of that. As I was gathering my things getting ready to leave Hu Kitchen, I looked up and ironically spotted Arielle chatting with a women at the juice bar taking notes as she had at ours, and ensured I stopped over and filled her in on my newest “Hu inspired” plans. Therefore, you can all continue to follow me here: Dreamsmadenewyorkcity.com

TGIF EVERYONE!

Kadie

Almost Thirty

Almost Thirty

From a very young age I have always been a writer; I just haven’t always been writing. I made a goal to myself a couple of years ago to have my first book published by age 30. unfortunately, in a couple of weeks I am going to be thirty, and I am not ready to publish my book yet. What I did well as a young writer was freely write exactly and whatever was in my thoughts or top of my mind. I did not worry about what others might think if they picked it up and read it and everything I wrote down was raw, unedited, and straight from my heart. My elementary diary entries give me a variety of different emotions that I truly hope I can accomplish in my current early thirties writings. Some pages are full of stories and statements that make me laugh out loud, and other pages and entries quickly bring me to tears.

There were sections of story telling were I told my readers about the 4th grade dance and what boy I was crushing on that moment, there was a goals section where not only did I write out my “request” but I came back around and logged my results. One of my personal favorites was my “update section” which was ultimately my very own gossip column where I updated the relationships in my life as well as other relationships that were going on with my classmates. There was a prayer section, (which is often the section that can make me cry) where I would ask God to listen and grant my prayers. I asked to please make Granny well when she was sick, I asked God why Granny did not like me anymore, and I asked him what would happen to me when Granny died.

The flow was not exactly right when connecting one thought, or story to the next but it doesn’t seem to stop anyone I share it with from wanting to read more about what I was up to. Clearly there was no plan as to what I was going to do with all of these writings but I didn’t care about that. I just freely sat in my room and wrote about what I was going through, how I was feeling, and how everything going on in my life was affecting me. These diaries have been a great gift to myself as I jog my memory of past events in my life to continue my story but most of all they are a reminder to not worry so much about what comes out and to just write.

Making the decision to finally move to the big apple the winter after I turned 27 was a goal of mine that was not only going to bring me career success, love and happiness but I believed the move would help me get further along in my writing. If I were to come back around and currently “update” where I am now it would be that I have come a long way and have a lot of inspiration to write about.

When I first started NYC I could not touch my toes, I was in a lot of financial debt, I was heartbroken, and I was scared shitless. Although, I moved to Manhattan with a job, I did not move to the Big Apple with a big savings account or a clear financial plan. I kid you not: The 12-foot box truck that drove all my furniture and belongings from South Florida to Manhattan, the gas for my car to follow, the renter fees, apartment fees, lease-breaking fees, food and any miscellaneous moving supplies were all paid out of a $1,500 budget I had at my disposal. I’d be lying if I said my Nan didn’t stick a few bills in my pocket, and that my wonderful friends and family did not help me over this hump. I was showered with gifts, gift cards, and so many blessings and words of encouragement, but it still remains one of the top most anxious, and scariest times in my life. I questioned myself daily on my decision to move when I was experiencing such financial burden and so many weeks I had to stretch thirty dollars to feed me and transport me through one of the most expensive cities in the world. I truly believe it was only possible for me to do because of the experience and learning’s of my meager youth. Tuna fish, carrots, tomatoes, bananas, and mac & cheese, were my go-to budget food items, and with any leftover money I would buy myself a bottle of wine to keep me company as I wrote in my journal thoughts and goals to get out of this mess.

My first apartment at the Ritz was located in midtown and was SO BEAUTIFUL! I was lucky enough to get this “hook up” from one of my college best friends who previously lived in this apartment and was smart enough to hold onto it (and its rate) by sublet like myself. From my bedroom you could walk out onto a balcony twenty-nine floors high that overlooked Times Square to the left and Hell’s Kitchen to the right. The one side of my room was pure window, and I had beautiful wood floors where I propped my Gaiam yoga mat in the corner next to a standing mirror. This yoga mat placement, although I was still not a yoga practitioner, was placed with intent for the sanctuary I was trying to create in this stressful, fearful time. I will never, EVER forget the beauty of the city lights from my room and how I could sit out on the balcony and, if only for a second, remember to be proud of myself. I started to have visions of doing yoga gracefully on my Gaiam mat outside my large glass windows, and these visions started to become reality when I took out my mat one afternoon and turned on my yoga DVD. What was different this time around is that, after the first week, I didn’t stop. In my free time, I started Googling and searching YouTube for different yoga tutorials that I hoped to practice on my own.

After the first three months, I started to get a little more financial security as well as more knowledge of ways to spread my money more evenly and even save money. The first thing I did when I had a couple extra dollars a month was research and purchase a gym membership that fit my budget. With all of my fitness classes, I always wanted parts to be like ballet or hip-hop, and then I started to mix in yoga classes. No matter how hard it was to convince myself to go to class and be the “beginner” that I was embarrassed to be, I cannot recall one time that I did not feel an amazing sense of anxiety relief. I am always very thankful that I made it to my classes, and I always remind myself how thankful I am each and every time I practice because it has NOT been easy to get to this point of my yoga career. The goal I set in August 2013 was to at least make it to one yoga class each week, and that goal has evolved into a habit of searching for a yoga class to attend almost every single day. Spring of 2014 I was feeling pretty darn good, but not exactly where I wanted to be and the universe must of known that. In a blink of an eye the universe switched the ocean tide and forced me to seek a new way out when I was fired from my fancy high paying Manhattan job. Worried about my rent, scared this meant I would have to stay in the relationship I wasn’t happy in to survive, and that I had failed were more reasons I needed more yoga. With the extra time on my hands I have given myself my first and well-deserved yoga challenge and incorporated daily practices with my freed up time.

Two weeks before turning thirty, I can touch my toes, I have finally achieved control of my finances, and writing is apart of my weekly routine. I have signed up for my yoga certification, and my yoga practice affects my everyday thoughts. It is how I am choosing to live my life. It is a way a perfect stranger can relate to me, and unlike when I was younger, I am fully aware that it is the best way for me to deal with any inner bullshit that is begging to come out. Every day in class, I learn something new about my body and about the different ways I can get myself into different positions. It frees my mind in such healthy ways, and keeps me from more of the drugs or booze I might have looked at to ease my mind in the past. It releases the hurt, the uncertainties, and gives me so much hope like nothing else in my life has been able to. Anytime anyone is going through anything difficult in life, I often think to myself, “they need yoga”. Inhale good shit, exhale bad shit. Yoga has helped my decisions in my career, my writing, my relationships, and most importantly my health and self-esteem.

Just get on your mat- Namaste!