-In Honor of the victims in Orlando
My pride lives in my heart for my best friends who I am so lucky to have in my life. The friends that this horrid event have me missing more this week than this little post could ever convey. The past couple of days I had moments where I actually felt guilty feeling as bad as I did. Guilty since I didn’t have any direct relations with the victims of the Orlando massacre. The truth is that I very much do. My happy place, and the most fun friends in the world are in the gay community. I can’t stop thinking about how this could of been us. These friends of mine are people who have become family, travel partners, roomates/neighbors, and a reason I have fulfilled so many of my wildest dreams. My heart hurts for the attack on the essence of who they are. When I lived in NYC, I had a girlfriend actually tell me that the reason I was single at the time, “was because I only hung out with the gays”. The happiest place on the planet for me, and some of the best memories of my life have been in their presence. I always feel the safest out running the streets in their community and have danced, laughed, and partied in pure bliss until the sun came up (numerous times). This massacre has really pissed me off, and it has brought me to a point for the first time where I am ready to fight for what I believe. Try to find a way to make a difference. I will be creating a movement with my new business, The Kadie Way LLC, where we make a stand against hate. Details to come! Choose, LOVE; not HATE
Check out my photo video I made @: https://flipagram.com/f/qtpSub6tAt
I grew up a runner so I made sure to wear my best running shoes in this picture. A neighbor even nicknamed me, “road-runner” since I had a habit of going out for a run as early as age six. I’d be running away from home, running away from my fears, and today I still find myself running from anything that doesn’t make me feel good about myself. Now that I have found a place in my life for my physical practice of yoga and I am a certified yoga instructor, I have created a nice balance to the workouts I have always loved. This pose, and this picture show not only the things that I love but also the beauty of who I am.
It doesn’t matter if someone else believes in you or not. It doesn’t matter if someone doesn’t like you, or if you don’t like someone else. It only matter’s that you believe in yourself. Believe that when you have negative emotions, or negative reactions to someone else’s negative, that there is a lesson to learn in that situation. Try to look inside and mirror that back to what the universe is trying to tell you. Why is it you feel this way? Why do you care what other’s think? Is this showing you something about yourself? Love yourself enough to honor this discovery and to explore the answers to your emotions. The only way you will grow is if you look inside. Not inside your neighbor’s walls but inside your own head. People will want to see you fail. Why would you care? How does that benefit you in the slightest to focus on that? Keep going. Keep failing. But get back up for yourself and learn from those mistakes. Learn how to grow and how to accept your own truth.
Believe in YOU
This picture was taken not to long after my great grandmother took on guardianship of my middle sister, Julie and I. To me, this picture captures all the moment’s I loved being the baby. Granny was a very passionate person. Even her anger was passionate. Although she was in her late 70’s when I started to really piss her off, she always stood her ground. Everyone was scared of Granny, my friends, my neighbors, and although many parents were strict, Granny always took the cake. Ginny and Rick, my neighbors growing up, told me that one of their favorite granny story’s was when they saw her chasing after me around the house screaming something while I ran so fast the other direction. This is the family that I later moved in with when Granny kicked me out of her house after being caught at school for underage drinking. Her intensity was really real, especially her intense moment’s of love. I like this picture of us because it captures how I would cherish every moment of being the baby. I think I continued to sit on her lap through high school, because I just loved the moment’s she wanted to cuddle like pictured here. Five years’ ago she passed, and I continue to struggle with the regret of not thanking her enough for what she did for us. When she started to become older I was away at college and my priority at that time wasn’t her. This is painful for me to say out loud because although I understand I couldn’t do a lot at that time, I wish things could of ended a little differently. She gave up so many of her “golden years”, her retirement years to care for us. A few years before she passed, when I was a freshman at college living about four hours away from her, we stayed in contact mostly through letters in the mail. Looking back and recognizing that we both shared the love for writing, it warms my heart on how fitting that was. Thinking of her today, and if she were alive today, I would write her a letter. And this is what I would say:
I wanted you to know that I am still writing! When I cant seem to think of anything to write about my inspiration most often comes from you. I find you in my head, in my soul, and in my heart. Thinking about the memory of you gives me so much inspiration, and I am reminded of stories’ to write about! Remember all those afternoons spent at the library? Remember all those afternoons I spent writing my book series about Blaze, Misty, and our gold fish? I wish I could go over my writing’s with you today. I think you would enjoy it. My fiancé and I moved to California in January and there is an orange tree in our back yard. Every time I peel open a fresh orange I think of you. Remember how many warm Florida day’s I sat on your lap outside asking you to, “feed me like a birdie”, as you dropped orange slices in your mouth? I hope you are doing well, and I hope you are eating lots of chocolate heath bar crunch as you celebrate five years in heaven!
I miss you!
The times that I really get down on myself is when I am running around trying to do too many things at once. This morning I kind of freaked out. Realizing I didn’t have enough time to make healthy food, take my loving dog on a walk, or even finish blow-drying my wet hair. This rush to get to work from pressing the snooze button to long created a huge pit in my stomach. I hate this feeling of unproductiveness or loss of time. “How could I of stayed in bed so late like this? Why didn’t I practice this morning? Ugh, what a loser I am”, I told myself. As I ran around grabbing my work key’s, my laptop, I caught a glimpse in my head of what my day of tasks would look like at the store and it brought tears to my eyes. How will I get everything I need done when my professional life is also as unorganized as this morning? I was starting to mirror this in all aspects of my life. “Yoga actions, Kadie. STOP. BREATHE. Self love. Stop. Breathe. Take a minute to focus. Be mindful of what this all means”, whispered my roommate, aka my inner self. The yogi in me reminded me that this is not self-love, and I was not acting like a yogi off my mat. To many ideas, too many tasks, and not enough energy or time sent me over the edge. Be caring to yourself. Be your own best friend. Treat yourself how you really wish to be treated. Be easy on yourself. If you slept to late, as I did, you probably needed. I know I did. I worked really hard last week, worked really hard yesterday—so relax.
Thank you again for grounding me bestie.
The Risky Balance of Dukha and Sukha
“Pain is your friend. It is your ally. It lets you know when you are seriously hurt. It keeps you awake. It keeps you angry. It reminds you to finish what you started, and get the hell home. But you know what the best part about pain is? It lets you know your not dead yet!”-Command Master Chief, GI Jane
There are times of grief, discomfort, and pain in life, and there are times of joy, tranquility, and ease. In yogi terms, Dukha stands for the pain and the suffering you experience and Sukha stands for the release of it. You find both of these in life situations, in your body’s pathways, and in your yoga practice. You need both of them to experience the other and in order to move through duhka you will need fire, or tapas. Practicing tapas is that ability to get back into the fire and continue to strive after your goals even when the going gets tough. I have learned, (finally) that no matter how much it might look like someone in your life has zero dukha, they do. Everyone is hurting in one-way or another but not everyone is actively practicing sukha to minimize his or her troubles. Not only that but people in your life can get mad at you when they see you balancing the risky business of dukha and sukha because it isn’t an easy thing to do. Not everyone has the guts to do so and jealousy can fire them to cause you more pain, or duhka. So, just do you and stop comparing yourself to other’s! I am so over worrying about where other people are at in their life because everyone is different!
Have you ever-experienced pain but the outcome was relief?
Has anyone close to you ever treated you poorly when you felt really great about an accomplishment?
What I am trying to do for Geoffrey is improve his day-to-day health so that he can play a better golf game and most importantly, be living his life healthier. Day 6 of the New Year and we both feel really good about the small changes we have been able to make. We have a list of goals for ourselves and although I could sit here and tell you all the ones we have not mastered yet -we are trying to focus on the positive. There is so much work left to do and focusing on what is working is the positive mindset we are trying to keep so we do not get discouraged.
The first step to his overall health is getting him to quit smoking. We have ordered a vaporizer, which should be at the house today, and although that is not quitting, it is part of the journey of quitting. We were told while we were in Costa Rica that it is one of the most effective ways in someone’s steps to quitting. He has tried the patch and he hates the gum. He started to use the E-cigarette and it smelled a whole lot better to me but he didn’t like the taste. Overall the vaporizer seems to have better results on cutting someone down on the nicotine intake and Costa Rica isn’t the first time I have been told this once I started to think about it. This first step is very important to me and I know it is one of the most difficult for him. During the past thirty-day’s of my own fitness journey this habit of Geoffrey’s has been brought to my mind and causing me a lot of fear around what this habit is doing to his amazing body. It is going to be a big accomplishment to him when he quits but it will really mean a lot to me while putting my mind at ease.
The second step is to help him change his diet while improving mine, as I become the consistent example and the “good influence”. He is the type of person who can eat a whole lot of crap and not gain too much weight BUT I know how much this crap is affecting his energy level. The way he buys food is also inefficient by spending too much money and time when he is running to and from his favorite coffee shop, Dunkin Donuts. Without even thinking about it too much while he sits and does his morning cross word puzzle he could be shoving a whole lot of bagels in his mouth. I want to be up and have the right breakfast ready for him so he makes better choices when he is so hungry in the morning.
He is a picky eater and not only does some vegetables and fruit disgust him, but he seems to even be scared of them. He won’t even let my banana ride in the front seat with him if I happen to have one on me for a snack. To be able to make things he would actually eat I sat with him and made a list of fruits and vegetables he would actually sit next too. Once I got the list, I was able to start thinking about different ideas for him, and create a meal plan through that list. I want his diet to become mostly vegan/vegetarian while treating him to meat every once in awhile through fish or chicken at dinner. My idea is to start mixing the meat with tempeh, tofu, and seitan to cut down the amount of intake without him realizing it. I think when I do that enough times he will become more use to the taste and it will not be so shocking to him.
What has worked so far is our green juice that we have loved for the past five mornings. I have created a juice that he loves and while we take out the dog and set our coffees to brew in the morning I put together our special “Geoffrey approved” concoction. I have named it the “GreenLoveSpell” and it has a nice little kick to it that I have enjoyed sipping on first thing in the am. The other meals that I have made and he has loved are my vegan pesto pasta, and the vegetable/bean/ and chicken tacos that were loaded with a variety of good ingredients. I have shared our juice below!
Green Love Spell
1 green apple
1 sliver of ginger (about 2 teaspoons)
1 cup of Kale
2 cups coconut water
If I could always be taking care of Geoffrey, and if I always had the time to cook for him I am sure we would be able to accelerate his status as a professional golfer. I hope to continue to be inspired by helping Geoffrey and using more of this hobby of cooking that I sort of lost touch with to make him feel healthier throughout the day. I know that Geoffrey has been impressed with my skills that I learned while working in restaurants and working as a caterer in college, and it feels really great watching him eat in a more balanced way. I am looking for inspiration for tonight’s dish if anyone has any suggestions! I would like to use onion, quinoa, and mushrooms to use up some of the leftover ingredients from the past two nights.