Believe in YOU

Believe in YOU

It doesn’t matter if someone else believes in you or not. It doesn’t matter if someone doesn’t like you, or if you don’t like someone else. It only matter’s that you believe in yourself. Believe that when you have negative emotions, or negative reactions to someone else’s negative, that there is a lesson to learn in that situation. Try to look inside and mirror that back to what the universe is trying to tell you. Why is it you feel this way? Why do you care what other’s think? Is this showing you something about yourself? Love yourself enough to honor this discovery and to explore the answers to your emotions. The only way you will grow is if you look inside. Not inside your neighbor’s walls but inside your own head. People will want to see you fail. Why would you care? How does that benefit you in the slightest to focus on that? Keep going. Keep failing. But get back up for yourself and learn from those mistakes. Learn how to grow and how to accept your own truth.

Believe in YOU

 

 

5 Years In Heaven

5 years in Heaven

This picture was taken not to long after my great grandmother took on guardianship of my middle sister, Julie and I. To me, this picture captures all the moment’s I loved being the baby. Granny was a very passionate person. Even her anger was passionate. Although she was in her late 70’s when I started to really piss her off, she always stood her ground. Everyone was scared of Granny, my friends, my neighbors, and although many parents were strict, Granny always took the cake. Ginny and Rick, my neighbors growing up, told me that one of their favorite granny story’s was when they saw her chasing after me around the house screaming something while I ran so fast the other direction. This is the family that I later moved in with when Granny kicked me out of her house after being caught at school for underage drinking. Her intensity was really real, especially her intense moment’s of love. I like this picture of us because it captures how I would cherish every moment of being the baby. I think I continued to sit on her lap through high school, because I just loved the moment’s she wanted to cuddle like pictured here. Five years’ ago she passed, and I continue to struggle with the regret of not thanking her enough for what she did for us. When she started to become older I was away at college and my priority at that time wasn’t her. This is painful for me to say out loud because although I understand I couldn’t do a lot at that time, I wish things could of ended a little differently. She gave up so many of her “golden years”, her retirement years to care for us. A few years before she passed, when I was a freshman at college living about four hours away from her, we stayed in contact mostly through letters in the mail. Looking back and recognizing that we both shared the love for writing, it warms my heart on how fitting that was. Thinking of her today, and if she were alive today, I would write her a letter. And this is what I would say:

Dear Granny,

I wanted you to know that I am still writing! When I cant seem to think of anything to write about my inspiration most often comes from you. I find you in my head, in my soul, and in my heart. Thinking about the memory of you gives me so much inspiration, and I am reminded of stories’ to write about! Remember all those afternoons spent at the library? Remember all those afternoons I spent writing my book series about Blaze, Misty, and our gold fish? I wish I could go over my writing’s with you today. I think you would enjoy it. My fiancé and I moved to California in January and there is an orange tree in our back yard. Every time I peel open a fresh orange I think of you. Remember how many warm Florida day’s I sat on your lap outside asking you to, “feed me like a birdie”, as you dropped orange slices in your mouth? I hope you are doing well, and I hope you are eating lots of chocolate heath bar crunch as you celebrate five years in heaven!

I miss you!

 

 

 

 

My Best Friend Yoga

The times that I really get down on myself is when I am running around trying to do too many things at once. This morning I kind of freaked out. Realizing I didn’t have enough time to make healthy food, take my loving dog on a walk, or even finish blow-drying my wet hair. This rush to get to work from pressing the snooze button to long created a huge pit in my stomach. I hate this feeling of unproductiveness or loss of time. “How could I of stayed in bed so late like this? Why didn’t I practice this morning? Ugh, what a loser I am”, I told myself. As I ran around grabbing my work key’s, my laptop, I caught a glimpse in my head of what my day of tasks would look like at the store and it brought tears to my eyes. How will I get everything I need done when my professional life is also as unorganized as this morning? I was starting to mirror this in all aspects of my life. “Yoga actions, Kadie. STOP. BREATHE. Self love. Stop. Breathe. Take a minute to focus. Be mindful of what this all means”, whispered my roommate, aka my inner self. The yogi in me reminded me that this is not self-love, and I was not acting like a yogi off my mat. To many ideas, too many tasks, and not enough energy or time sent me over the edge. Be caring to yourself. Be your own best friend. Treat yourself how you really wish to be treated. Be easy on yourself. If you slept to late, as I did, you probably needed. I know I did. I worked really hard last week, worked really hard yesterday—so relax.

 

Thank you again for grounding me bestie.Best Friend yoga

Green Love Spell

 

Green Love Spell

What I am trying to do for Geoffrey is improve his day-to-day health so that he can play a better golf game and most importantly, be living his life healthier. Day 6 of the New Year and we both feel really good about the small changes we have been able to make. We have a list of goals for ourselves and although I could sit here and tell you all the ones we have not mastered yet -we are trying to focus on the positive. There is so much work left to do and focusing on what is working is the positive mindset we are trying to keep so we do not get discouraged.

The first step to his overall health is getting him to quit smoking. We have ordered a vaporizer, which should be at the house today, and although that is not quitting, it is part of the journey of quitting. We were told while we were in Costa Rica that it is one of the most effective ways in someone’s steps to quitting. He has tried the patch and he hates the gum. He started to use the E-cigarette and it smelled a whole lot better to me but he didn’t like the taste. Overall the vaporizer seems to have better results on cutting someone down on the nicotine intake and Costa Rica isn’t the first time I have been told this once I started to think about it. This first step is very important to me and I know it is one of the most difficult for him. During the past thirty-day’s of my own fitness journey this habit of Geoffrey’s has been brought to my mind and causing me a lot of fear around what this habit is doing to his amazing body. It is going to be a big accomplishment to him when he quits but it will really mean a lot to me while putting my mind at ease.

The second step is to help him change his diet while improving mine, as I become the consistent example and the “good influence”. He is the type of person who can eat a whole lot of crap and not gain too much weight BUT I know how much this crap is affecting his energy level. The way he buys food is also inefficient by spending too much money and time when he is running to and from his favorite coffee shop, Dunkin Donuts. Without even thinking about it too much while he sits and does his morning cross word puzzle he could be shoving a whole lot of bagels in his mouth. I want to be up and have the right breakfast ready for him so he makes better choices when he is so hungry in the morning.

He is a picky eater and not only does some vegetables and fruit disgust him, but he seems to even be scared of them. He won’t even let my banana ride in the front seat with him if I happen to have one on me for a snack. To be able to make things he would actually eat I sat with him and made a list of fruits and vegetables he would actually sit next too. Once I got the list, I was able to start thinking about different ideas for him, and create a meal plan through that list. I want his diet to become mostly vegan/vegetarian while treating him to meat every once in awhile through fish or chicken at dinner. My idea is to start mixing the meat with tempeh, tofu, and seitan to cut down the amount of intake without him realizing it. I think when I do that enough times he will become more use to the taste and it will not be so shocking to him.

What has worked so far is our green juice that we have loved for the past five mornings. I have created a juice that he loves and while we take out the dog and set our coffees to brew in the morning I put together our special “Geoffrey approved” concoction. I have named it the “GreenLoveSpell” and it has a nice little kick to it that I have enjoyed sipping on first thing in the am. The other meals that I have made and he has loved are my vegan pesto pasta, and the vegetable/bean/ and chicken tacos that were loaded with a variety of good ingredients. I have shared our juice below!

Green Love Spell

1 green apple

1 lime

1 sliver of ginger (about 2 teaspoons)

1 cup of Kale

2 cups coconut water

 

If I could always be taking care of Geoffrey, and if I always had the time to cook for him I am sure we would be able to accelerate his status as a professional golfer. I hope to continue to be inspired by helping Geoffrey and using more of this hobby of cooking that I sort of lost touch with to make him feel healthier throughout the day. I know that Geoffrey has been impressed with my skills that I learned while working in restaurants and working as a caterer in college, and it feels really great watching him eat in a more balanced way. I am looking for inspiration for tonight’s dish if anyone has any suggestions! I would like to use onion, quinoa, and mushrooms to use up some of the leftover ingredients from the past two nights.

Interview with Geoff Robbins

Interview with Geoff Robbins

Interview with Geoff Robbins

Professional golfer, Geoff Robbins, 28, answers dreamsmadenewyorkcity’s interview questions while driving his fiancé, Kadie Chronister, Athleta Marketer/Yogi, and puppy Finley, savage and baby, to their new Northern California home. Our editor’s thought this would be a good time to interview Geoff since he will be focusing on his presence in the golf world in 2016. Before he settles down into his new workout plans, a new city (which happens to be on the other side of the country from where he grew up in Glen Ridge, New Jersey), and right after his first big tournament win in South Florida. We felt this would be the perfect time for us to get to know a little more about this newly engaged and fun-loving athlete. When Geoff was asked to participate in our website’s  first ever interview his reaction was nothing short of adorable. His entire torso straightened up as he pointed to himself smiling ear-to-ear saying, “Meeeeee?” His fiancé, the one who was asking the questions, confirmed with us later that one of Geoffrey’s (which she prefers to call him over Geoff) favorite games to play on the road is 20 questions. So, similar to his career- this was all just a game.

 

Kadie: “If you could only be remembered for one thing… What would you want it to be?”
Geoff: (Eyebrow’s focused in on the road with a very serious face) “Being a good person”.
Kadie: “What are you most grateful for?”
Geoff: “My family”
Kadie: “What are you the most afraid of?”
Geoff: “Failing at being a professional golfer”
Kadie: “If you could be doing anything right now, what would it be”?
Geoff: “I mean it would obviously be having sex with you, but, do you want me to say that?”
Kadie: “Moving on”
Geoff: “No, No, let me answer it for real. I would be sinking a birdie and winning a golf tournament- just put that.”
Kadie: “What three movies describe your life?”
Geoff: “Sandlot, Lord of the Rings, Life is Beautiful”
Kadie: “I knew you would say Life is Beautiful, I was waiting for you to say it.”
Kadie: If you could golf anywhere with one person (anywhere for fun with some beers) who would it be and where?
Geoff: “My Dad, Augusta Nationals.”
Kadie: “I hoped you would say your dad, I love that.”
Kadie: “Did you have a teen idol? Who was it? Why?
Geoff: “Teen idol? What do you mean?”
Kadie: “ Like, I would say Britney Spears…”
Geoff: “Oh, okay than, it would have to be Alex Lifeson because I love the band Rush, and all I wanted was to learn how to play the guitar. I had a lot of different soccer idols too like Eric Cantona.”
Kadie: “Have you ever had your heart-broken? Who was it and why?
Geoff: “Oh my god yeah! When my cat and dog died.”
Kadie: “Ugh, seriously though Geoffrey, who?”
Geoff: (Looks away from the road to look me dead into my eyes) “Yes, seriously Kadie, are you kidding me? I was so heartbroken on those days.”
Kadie: “Ok, sorry for your loss”.
Kadie: “What is the most special way someone has shown you they love you?”
Geoff: (took a few seconds to answer this one) “Your blog posts about me”
Kadie: “Love you baby”
Kadie: “What is your most memorable travel experience?”
Geoff: “This might be it baby, driving cross-country moving my wife and son to California.” (We like to pretend Finley our dog is human, and we also act like we are married already by referring to each other as husband and wife.)
Kadie: “If you had one super power, what would it be?”
Geoff: “Super speed! Like fast as just a flash, really super speed.”
Kadie: “If you could meet one historical person from the past who would it be? Why?”
Geoff: “There are so many, it will be hard to pick! George Washington or Alexander the Great”
Kadie: “Ok, last question.”
Geoff: (says with very whiney voice) “Oh come on no!!! Ask me more please!”
Kadie: (shakes head no) “Okay, What is your favorite thing about yourself?”
Geoff: “Probably my ability to make other people feel better about themselves.”

Respond vs React

Have you ever experienced a bully? Have you ever been a bully? I think my earliest moments of bullying was sibling related. One of my favorite sister memories was a time when my big sis Julie and I were retaliating against each other – and she won. We were arguing about who knows what in our small shared room when the first step to war was put into place. The dividing line was when we marked clearly whose side was who’s in hopes the other would stay in their designated area. We used yarn we had in our crochet bags and gave some leeway to my path since my side of the closet opened onto her side. Oh and yes, we had crochet bags… we were raised by our great grandmother remember! I always held onto the baby roll pretty well,  and could be a little bratty as I antagonized my big sister. After we divided the room I started sneaking over to her side just to get a rise out of her. I would jump on and off her bed and then sprint quickly back over to my side. These were simple and easy ways to bully her,  and my intention was obviously to piss her off. Well, I definitely did piss her off- figuratively and literally.  She marched over pass my line, stood right in front of my dresser, pulled down her pants, and peed right there…on MY SIDE! I watched in complete shock as it seeped into the white carpet staining my territory. I ran away screaming like the little baby I was. I thought of this story when I was thinking about the change in my mindset this year. The mindset to choose love in my responses instead of wild reactions like Julie did in my story. Ofcourse, I could of done things differently too but her reaction is a bit more humorous to read. You have to laugh at yourself and not take yourself so seriously. The end idea here is to learn from your experiences. To learn to laugh and just positively move on differently. What reaction of your past makes you laugh? What loving responses have you received from someone when you were the one with the wild reaction?  

Namaste New York

Namaste New YorkNamaste

“I can’t imagine a way of life for me other than the yogi life”- Steve Ross

Recently an old co-worker, now a friend, told me that I seemed like one of the happiest people in the entire world. Smiling over that compliment I closely start to access everything that has happened to me in the past three years while living in New York City. It’s a pleasure to be able to finally congratulate myself for becoming that “happy girl” I have always strived to be. In one of my favorite songs, “So Damn Lucky,  (an oldie but a goodie) Dave Matthews Band sings about being dizzy from a whole lot of spinning, and I can say that in my life I have become extremely dizzy from it all. I also consider myself pretty damn lucky to be blessed with all of the different life experiences bringing me to finally finding a place in my life for my best friend, yoga.

Before I entered kindergarten I was writing fantasies about my life and who I was going to become. The fall of October 1992, I had just turned seven, I wrote a list of everything I was good at: Singing, acting, dancing, writing, reading, talking, and signed it off with –See you on Broadway! Three years ago, I moved to New York City to find love, success, and happiness and was determined to make all my dreams come true. I moved into the center of it all (midtown) into a beautiful apartment one block from Broadway. I got there because I said I would, and I believed that I could. I followed through for the little girl who dreamed of a better life for herself, and for the little girl that just kept going.

Difficult situations never surprise me because in life I have learned to expect them. As hard as life can be I have learned that when disorder and fear show up at my door I can’t let it frighten or distract me. I just need to fasten my seatbelt and stay focused on where it is that I am trying to go, no matter the amount turbulence. As I pack my things preparing to move with my fiancé to California after three weeks in Costa Rica becoming a certified teacher training I take a minute to reflecont on that. All of this is happening because of the dedication I put forward and attention to my dreams. I was a child who was a ward of the state who barely had lunch money at times, but was able to put myself through college and work my way up to a job in the city. I have accomplished everything I set out to do here in the rat race and now it is time for me to move on. Breaking up with toxic relationships, unexpectedly losing the job that got me to Manhattan in the first place, feeling exhausted and overwhelmed , were all events that forced me to find a way to keep going.

From the earliest day’s of being a writer I had made the decision to focus on writing a memoir about my life. Every diary entry from the past has always been about me and what I was going through. In some way, I have always written out a set of goals for myself and have been really great about noting and following up on them. April 1995, when I was ten, I started a “requests” column in my diary where I wrote out all of my requests/goals . For example, I would request to finish first place on the mile run, good grades, and to make up from a fight with Granny. I would than follow-up a couple of days’ later and report how I did on each of these requests. “I came in first place! It took me 7 min 11 seconds, I received a B+ on my test, Granny is still mad at me.”

The generation gap in my up bringing caused many teenage spats between Granny and I. Since Granny was stricter than my peer’s parents were I was always comparing myself to that. This would continually make me feel sorry for myself and made me feel like I was missing out on something. Granny grew up in a time period in the 20’s where children were brought up differently and her father believed in stern punishment. Therefore, she  didn’t hesitate to break out any old school habits she learned from her parents. I remember many afternoons being smacked soooo hard and sometimes I would run as fast as I could to get away from her chasing after me with a broom. Also, listening to her cry herself to sleep after counting her penny jar at night caused me to have constant anxiety and worry that she regretted taking us in. I struggled with depression and I always craved more love and would write about this alot. I also wrote about who I loved and who I hoped loved me too. These emotions as a child were hard to swallow but in the end it has made me who I am and a lover of love. I made the goal to find love in New York City and until I met Geoffrey, (my now fiancé) I never felt confident that I was worthy of it fully.

I’ve asked myself what about my journey to finding love right now would resonate with others? Why would anyone even give a shit what I have been through and what I have overcome? Who is my audience? What am I trying to accomplish with them reading what I share? It would resonate with them because I believe that everyone also loves love. If they do not, I think it is because they need more of it. I first met Geoffrey in my dreams two weeks before I actually met him. At that time in my life I had turned up my yoga practice to distract me from another failed relationship that I was trying to pull myself out of.

Listening to my inner self and practicing asana’s filled with different sequences of heart opener’s, I became more vulnerable to sharing my feelings that I once covered up. I promised myself that I was never going to settle again in love and that I deserved more than the relationships I was staying in.  I than started to invision my true love fantasy and what it was I was looking for and even had the most vivid dream confirming it could happen.  I joke about putting a “sweet love spell” on Geoffrey by tricking him to fall for me as quickly as he did. Our relationship is my favorite love story and he is so precious to me.

You

“I met you in my dreams, your touch was so soft and your body was so warm. You held me so close that I knew no one could ever come between us. When I woke and you weren’t there I still found comfort that you were out there. I could not wait to meet you because I knew that I loved you.”

*{I wrote this the morning after I woke from a very vivid dream of finding my one and only two weeks before meeting Geoffrey}

Although, I moved to Manhattan with a job, I did not move to the Big Apple with a big savings account or a clear financial plan. I kid you not: The 12-foot box truck that drove all my furniture and belongings from South Florida to Manhattan, the gas for my car to follow, the renter fees, apartment fees, lease-breaking fees, food and any miscellaneous moving supplies were all paid out of a $1,500 budget I had at my disposal. I was in debit to my ears with different retail credit cards I racked up ranging from furniture, electronics, and clothing. I was putting minimum payments on them and I was barely making my student loan and car payment from the fancy car I bought after college and the massive amount of student loans I was offered and mistakenly took.

I’d be lying if I said my Nan didn’t stick a few bills in my pocket, and that my wonderful friends and family did not help me over this hump. My company who moved me offered me that moving allowance and I was showered with gifts, gift cards, and so many blessings and words of encouragement. It still remains one of the most anxious, scary times in my life and I questioned myself daily on my decision to move when I was experiencing such financial burden. So many weeks I had to stretch thirty dollars to feed me and transport me through one of the most expensive cities in the world. I truly believe it was only possible for me to do because of the experience and learning’s of my meager youth. Working paycheck to paycheck, and finding the resources I need to get by has been something I have been working on mastering since my first job in 6th grade as a dog walker.

Any leftover money I would buy myself a bottle of wine to keep me company as I wrote in my journal thoughts and goals to get out of this mess. The one side of my first room in the city was pure window, and I had beautiful wood floors where I propped my Gaiam yoga mat in the corner next to a standing mirror. This yoga mat placement, although I was still not a yoga practitioner, was placed with intent for the sanctuary I was trying to create in this stressful, anxious time. I will never, EVER forget the beauty of the city lights from my room and how I could sit out on the balcony and, if only for a second, remember to be proud of myself. With the loss of my job after my first year in Manhattan, I had some extra time on my hand and gave myself my very first well-deserved yoga challenge. I started to seek a class to attend every day while also deciding my future would involve becoming a certified yoga instructor. I continued to write, I continued to go to yoga, and I continued after my goals.

I have finally achieved control of my finances, and I am so committed to my relationship with yoga. Every day in class, I learn something new about my body and about the different ways I can get myself into different positions. Previously in life I was the little girl who envied my best friend’s who all had the money to be enrolled in dance classes that made them graceful and flexible. I couldn’t touch my toes, and now I am standing on my head. It frees my mind in such healthy ways, and keeps me from all the drugs or booze I might have looked at to ease my mind in the past. It releases the hurt, the uncertainties, and gives me so much hope like nothing else in my life has been able to. Anytime anyone is going through anything difficult in life, I often think to myself, “they need yoga”, and now I am educated and experienced enough to be able to say it now to people out loud.

Living in New York  I was able to pay off my debt, and find a career that supports my newest life fitting endeavors. I am going to marry my best friend and I am so in love. So as I put together my final plans for leaving my dream city I am realizing that I am overwhelmed with happiness. Following my dreams made that possible and there is nothing better in life than accomplishing what you have set out for.

Thanks for the tough love New York!! You will forever hold my heart!