SweetLoveSpell

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I love reading self-help books because I am constantly searching for inspiration to finally becoming my best self. The goals I am going to accomplish and the relationships I will be in. I am not sure what I was reading, or what exactly I had read before I met Geoffrey that gave me the super powers to create his existence into my life. I remember the determination I felt though. I knew he was out there and I knew that I was ready for him. I have said before that Geoffrey jokes that I put a spell on him. He was not in the same mindset I talk about but he fell just as hard. Was it a mental mindset that I had changed in hopes to finding the love of my life? Was it a sweet love spell ?  Here we are four months out from getting married and if it was Valentine’s Day or not, Geoffrey is always the sweetest thing in my life. Every day is Valentine’s Day with Geoffrey because every day he treats me like a queen. He is ALWAYS showering me with love 365 days a year. Although, since he loves love notes I wrote something for the records, Happy Valentine’s Day baby!

Bad Birthday Behavior

Vigne 16

I found this picture in an album titled “Bad Birthday Behavior”, in my millions of facebook pictures I have uploaded in the past years. Today is Nicole Vigne’s birthday, my best friend for going on 16 years, and nothing describes us better than this tag line. Nikki, you are more than a friend… you are a sister. Someone who has seen me at my absolute worst (and me at hers) and we love each other anyway. Nikki’s family took me in when I was kicked out of my house in highschool and not only helped me through some of my earliest triumphs but created some of the most fun memories for me during a hard patch. A friend, who has always seen the real me and someone I never had to hold back any truth with. From rolling my piece of shit echo out of the driveway, to almost burning the house down with mac and cheese, we can create a good time together no matter where we are. My workout buddy-“Be good to be bad”, my tunnney, my soul-sister, the pain in my ass, my future brides maid, my long-lost roomie and yogi, I love you more than the words I am typing can tell. HAPPY BIRTHDAY NOODLE!!!!!!!!!! If only I could be “a fly on your wall” on this day and wish you the happiest day in person!! Party on sistah!

 

Fear

FEAR

 

FEAR

 Fear of being late, fear of lizards (Yup, got that one), fear that you won’t get the job you want. Fear that you aren’t like everyone else, or fear that you are. We all struggle with fear in some form or another. When you tune into fear’s force it can shut you down and swallow you up. If you don’t have any fears, I suggest you keep running, keep on pushing forward, because it’s coming for you. Fear can create sadness, bad choices, and it convinces you to surrender.  Yoga continues to teach me to face my fears. Teaches me to work through them in my practice, and teaches me to face them in my life.  Yoga guides me to shut out the noise, “the roommate” that lives in your head that gives you the advice you didn’t ask for. Yoga forces me to breathe through that noisy fear, and concentrate on the bigger picture of what life could look like if I wasn’t scared. Yoga teaches me to listen to my own desires, and helps me to stay calm, cool, and collected by focusing on my own self-study.

 Fear was most present in my early years, my roots. From as young as I can remember, I remember being fearful. Fearful that the state would take me away from Granny and put me back into the hands of my unstable parents. At age five, I wrote letters to the judge pleading to stay with my grandmother, begging him to make the decision to keep us safe. After a couple more years, I started to be fearful that Granny didn’t want my sister and me anymore. Waking up, hearing Granny cry as she counted her penny jar, and overhearing her phone conversations that revealed to me she had no money because she was waiting on our fancy state check, scared me that she was going to give up on us too.

 Fear that I wouldn’t have enough to eat, or fear that people would find out how dysfunctional things really were for us at home while I continued to put on the happy girl front at school. This kind of fear brought me to depressive thoughts at a young age. Fear crept in and told me that the only option was to be sad or to give up. Yet, like the judge who kept us safe with Granny, I found way’s to reject those thoughts. Taking time for self-awareness, and taking time to listen to your small desires, your biggest dreams, is the first step at depleting your fears. You have to believe that fear is wrong, even if it is just for a minute. I began writing at a very young age and have been writing in journals, typewriters, and computers for over 25 years. I fought off fear by writing out how I was feeling, and stating out loud in words what it was that I was scared of. To this day, I suggest it to most everyone I meet.

 In high school, I was working two jobs, trying to keep up with my peers on the sports teams, and dealing with a lot of drama at home with “my family” that moved in to support Granny. College was my one-way ticket out of the town I grew to fear. The problem with getting to college was that I was really struggling with my grades. When it came time to take the SAT, I was scoring so low that the family that took me in made jokes that all I did was, “put my name on it.”  Fearful that they were right actually ended up motivating me even more. I borrowed my best friends fancy notes from the SAT prep class her parents had her in, and partnered with my brilliant Aunt Andi from Pennsylvania. She is one of the most special cheerleaders of my life, and she got me the material I needed to succeed. I took the SAT six times. Yes, six times is what it took for me to finally get the score I needed to get into a school others termed “easy.” Tests for me weren’t easy, or maybe that is just what fear told me, but I had to just keep at my goal. Just like in yoga, every body and everybody is different. When you stop comparing yourself to others, breathe and relax, you can really put that energy into making amazing things happen for yourself.

 When I finally got the score I needed—after being rejected—I resubmitted my application to my “dream school,” Florida State University. Weeks passed and my peers were turning in their offer letters, and I heard nothing.  Fear whispered (and shouted) for me to just give up. Give up on the dream and just go to a community college, where it was more affordable, and where they accepted students like me.

Although, that is fine idea, I knew what I wanted and I knew what I deserved. So I continued to go after it. I reached out to mentors, my bosses of the jobs I worked, and my English teacher (who always encouraged me to keep writing), for new recommendation letters. I wrote a new college essay that told the administration office who I was, and what I was capable of.  I explained to them what I had already accomplished and what I had overcome at age 17. I asked them to look beyond what they saw on my report cards and to give me a chance. If I were just given this chance to further my education, I would not let them down. When that acceptance letter came, I wore my colors proudly and I continue to be a very proud Nole.

 Working through fear to get what you want is just like crow pose, (the asana I am doing pictured) somewhere off of the PCH on a skinny bench in Malibu*. When you are looking to do this pose find strength in your abdominals. Anytime you are looking for peace in an uncomfortable position or situation you can find peace here in your core, your center. Open your chest and lean into your firmly planted hands keeping your spine straight, glutes firm. Look past your hands, and shine that heart towards your intention, your fight from fear. If you fall, you fall. If you fail, at least you know you tried. Although, I do suggest that you continue to get back up and try again; no matter how many times it takes.

 

 

My Pride

IMG_1034-In Honor of the victims in Orlando

My pride lives in my heart for my best friends who I am so lucky to have in my life. The friends that this horrid event have me missing more this week than this little post could ever convey. The past couple of days I had moments where I actually felt guilty feeling as bad as I did. Guilty since I didn’t have any direct relations with the victims of the Orlando massacre. The truth is that I very much do. My happy place, and the most fun friends in the world are in the gay community. I can’t stop thinking about how this could of been us. These friends of mine are people who have become family, travel partners, roomates/neighbors, and a reason I have fulfilled so many of my wildest dreams. My heart hurts for the attack on the essence of who they are. When I lived in NYC, I had a girlfriend actually tell me that the reason I was single at the time, “was because I only hung out with the gays”. The happiest place on the planet for me, and some of the best memories of my life have been in their presence. I always feel the safest out running the streets in their community and have danced, laughed, and partied in pure bliss until the sun came up (numerous times). This massacre has really pissed me off, and it has brought me to a point for the first time where I am ready to fight for what I believe. Try to find a way to make a difference. I will be creating a movement with my new business, The Kadie Way LLC, where we make a stand against hate. Details to come! Choose, LOVE; not HATE

Kadie

Check out my photo video I made @: https://flipagram.com/f/qtpSub6tAt

 

Upside Down

upside down

The root of behavior is belief ; The simple action of believing in yourself is the first step to turning your perspective around (or upside down). I use to believe I wasn’t good enough, strong enough, or “flexible” enough for yoga. One day, I decided to change my behavior and consistently show up on my mat. Although, yoga can be so commonly perceived as “stretching”, it is so much more than that. My yoga practice has taught me patience, confidence, and healthier ways to communicate mentally to myself. My Sunday Evening homework to you~ 🙏Stop, Breathe, and watch your world flip upside down.

Life is Full Of Choices

Life is Full of ChoicesLife is full of Choices

My instagram husband told me to move the shoes you see in this picture along with the yoga strap to make the setting of this picture more clear. Although, I agreed externally they needed to go and moved them aside, internally my thought was that I’d rather just keep them how they were. Keep it real.  Keeping it real in life, or when I am posting contant on social media, I like to capture the true me. I dont want to be too staged, and I would like to keep things catered to how my life and story really is. Genuine. Similar to one of my favorite brand values of the company I work for (Athleta). I need the yoga strap in most all of the hip, back, and shoulder opening asana’s I am working on in my personal practice. The sandals are not only badass but, they got me over to my mat from inside our cutesy, vintage- inspired cottage in Vellejo, and over the pollen filmed brick patio to my mat.

Life is full of expectations, suggestions, and opinions. So regardless if you agree with them or not this is a perfect place in time where you can grow your own creativity and listen to what comes up. Think for yourself but be gentle and mindful with your reaction. Mindful of what mental thought this communication taped into. The thoughts that your mind, your desires, and your individuality thought of.

Communication, collaboration, and support from others are needed in life. Its why for years humans, similar to our furry dog pals like Finley, (the one poking around this garden), we do better when we stick in packs. In every situation, and in as many moments as you can, understand your own breathe. That breathe moving your own pace of thought. It is important to think for you. As my sister say’s, “be bold and just be you”. I choose to show that I use my strap in my practice because of the benefits it does for my alignment. Just today, I used it to open the hell out of my shoulders, and upper back that are soar as shit from a boxing class I took at the Equinox on Union St . I recruited a co-worker to motivate me to try something out of my routine, and really enjoyed the creativity and art of boxing. The shoes, (back to the shoes) are a perfect mala to signify a meaning beyond the Jeffrey Campbell awesomeness. I purchased them as the perfect “pool shoe” for one of best friends bachelorette pool parties in Las Vegas two years ago. It was pretty epic.

This Friday, this weekend, I hope you have fun and relax with good company. But as always, remember to be YOU!

Namaste Bitches!

*Sorry if the above sign off offends you but, “I do what I want” when it comes to my blog 😉

Road Runner

Seal Point Bay

I grew up a runner so I made sure to wear my best running shoes in this picture. A neighbor even nicknamed me, “road-runner” since I had a habit of going out for a run as early as age six. I’d be running away from home, running away from my fears, and today I still find myself running from anything that doesn’t make me feel good about myself. Now that I have found a place in my life for my physical practice of yoga and I am a certified yoga instructor, I have created a nice balance to the workouts I have always loved. This pose, and this picture show not only the things that I love but also the beauty of who I am.