This picture was taken not to long after my great grandmother took on guardianship of my middle sister, Julie and I. To me, this picture captures all the moment’s I loved being the baby. Granny was a very passionate person. Even her anger was passionate. Although she was in her late 70’s when I started to really piss her off, she always stood her ground. Everyone was scared of Granny, my friends, my neighbors, and although many parents were strict, Granny always took the cake. Ginny and Rick, my neighbors growing up, told me that one of their favorite granny story’s was when they saw her chasing after me around the house screaming something while I ran so fast the other direction. This is the family that I later moved in with when Granny kicked me out of her house after being caught at school for underage drinking. Her intensity was really real, especially her intense moment’s of love. I like this picture of us because it captures how I would cherish every moment of being the baby. I think I continued to sit on her lap through high school, because I just loved the moment’s she wanted to cuddle like pictured here. Five years’ ago she passed, and I continue to struggle with the regret of not thanking her enough for what she did for us. When she started to become older I was away at college and my priority at that time wasn’t her. This is painful for me to say out loud because although I understand I couldn’t do a lot at that time, I wish things could of ended a little differently. She gave up so many of her “golden years”, her retirement years to care for us. A few years before she passed, when I was a freshman at college living about four hours away from her, we stayed in contact mostly through letters in the mail. Looking back and recognizing that we both shared the love for writing, it warms my heart on how fitting that was. Thinking of her today, and if she were alive today, I would write her a letter. And this is what I would say:
I wanted you to know that I am still writing! When I cant seem to think of anything to write about my inspiration most often comes from you. I find you in my head, in my soul, and in my heart. Thinking about the memory of you gives me so much inspiration, and I am reminded of stories’ to write about! Remember all those afternoons spent at the library? Remember all those afternoons I spent writing my book series about Blaze, Misty, and our gold fish? I wish I could go over my writing’s with you today. I think you would enjoy it. My fiancé and I moved to California in January and there is an orange tree in our back yard. Every time I peel open a fresh orange I think of you. Remember how many warm Florida day’s I sat on your lap outside asking you to, “feed me like a birdie”, as you dropped orange slices in your mouth? I hope you are doing well, and I hope you are eating lots of chocolate heath bar crunch as you celebrate five years in heaven!
I miss you!