Dumbass, RIP

This story is about a little parakeet bird that my great-grandmother named Dumbass. You might assume that I am making this up because the name Dumbass seems a bit strange.. but, I can assure you that she picked this name in good reason. We did not go to the store to purchase Dumbass, we inherited him. It was an exciting day that Dumbass came to live with us because my grandmother was in an amazing, good spirited mood. She was sitting at her favorite spot, which was the corner spot of our large, family sized couch. The reason she liked this spot was because she could spy easily on the neighbors, and easily see who was doing what. We would sit around the dinner table at night and she would inform,update, and include us in the conversations (aka observations) she had with the neighbors that day.

One day, while she was stalking the neighbors, a little, blue, yellow colored parakeet flew right into front window. He got stuck in our window panels and Granny ran outside to save the bird. She brought him in, caged him, took him in as one of her pets. She came up with the name Dumbass because she was also the owner of many cats and she thought that any bird who would come to live at a house full of cats was simply a “dumbass”. So, that was it, we had a new pet.. and we were to call him, Dumbass! I never really got close to Dumbass but he seemed like a pretty cool bird. My grandmother loved him and would sit on her perch by the window and chat with dumbass daily.

Now, I can’t remember the reasoning behind my grandmother needing to go out-of-town one week but she needed to leave for a couple of days. It’s strange that I can’t recall why because for the 15 years I lived with her I was never left home alone. My sister had plans to stay out one weekend night so that was the night that I decided to have a couple of friends over to my house to party unattended. That whole situation turned out fun, fine, and dandy while the real problem occurred the next day.

*Next day, Operation clean up

So, my grandmother was coming home and the house needed to be detailed with party reminisce removed. Dumbass was scared of the vacuum cleaner and every time it went on he would shuffle around and tweet loudly. There was no need to torture dumbass in the clean up process so I decided to put his cage into my bathroom until the deep cleaning was complete. Where I messed up in this situation was when I didn’t put Dumbass back when the house was clean. Later that evening I was blow drying my hair in the bathroom with my old pal Dumbass and my sister (Julie) decided to bang on the door loudly to scare me. Well, it worked. I screamed loudly, and dropped my blow dryer on the top of Dumbass’s cage. Sadly, Dumbass didn’t make it through the scare. He jumped up so fast that my sisters prank turned fatal and he broke his little neck. When Granny came home, she never let me live this down. She gave me the silent treatment for weeks. I have been blamed for killing Dumbass, and I just need everyone to know the truth…

Its Julies’s fault.


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